So, being a mummy....

Is; amazing, tiring, frustrating, scary, wonderful, overwhelming, fulfilling... A million different things. I never thought I could love anyone or anything as much as I love Evan. I look at him and he makes me want to cry. I can't believe S and I have created this perfect little person, that he was growing inside me for 9 months and now he is finally here. Here is a little tiny person dependant on me/us for everything and I just want to do everything possible for him to make sure he is happy and safe and loved. Even when he is crying and I am tired and frustrated its not at him, its just that I want to give him what he wants and I don't always know what that is. He still will not sleep in his moses basket at night so he has been sleeping with me (not ideal I know) but S wants him to get used to sleeping in the basket so we are trying to keep him in there but it is hard. He seems to be feeding ok although I have only been able to feed him from one side which is making it harder. The midwives have been really helpful and supportive and I hope that I can carry on as I don't really want to stop ;-(

Now, the birth story! I went into labour on the evening of my birthday. During the day my mum had been down to see me and we had gone for a sandwich in Morecambe which had been nice. I had been saying to her the longest Evan would be was 23 days (if I went overdue) little did I know! My mum left at half 3 as I had to pick S up from work to take him to the dentist. When we got back we got ready and went to the Royal as we were meeting J, B & D there for a meal. Had a lovely meal although I could only manage one course whilst S had three! (and several pints!) We got home at 9 ish and S fell asleep on the sofa whilst I was watching grand designs. About half 9 I started to get pains that seemed to be coming every 15 minutes. I didn't think that labour could just start like that so I left it until I was trying to watch Gossip Girl and was really struggling, to wake S up and tell him. By now the pains were coming every 7 or so minutes. I went and got in the bath to try and help me feel better which it did but when I got out and tried to get into bed I couldn't lie down, the only comfortable position was on my hands and knees. I then started to be sick and have an upset stomach which made me think that I was in labour as my body was clearing itself out. S eventually persuaded me to ring delivery suite about 11:30 to see what they said. They advised me to stay at home as long as I could but if I wanted to come in they would check me over. I decided to try and stay at home but after half an hour I was in more pain and they were coming every 3 to 5 minutes so we decided to make a dash for the hospital. I was in the front of the car bent over in pain, holding a bowl in case I was sick and sitting on a towel in case (lovely!) We got to the hospital at 1am and as soon as I rushed in I was sick in a bin. The midwife didn't think I would be very far on so she said she would examine me in an hour or so. When she examine me at half 2 she found I was 7cms dilated already which we were all surprised about (although I was relived that the pain was doing something) so she gave me the gas and air. Through the next 5 hours through the night I was bent over a bean bag on the floor. I really thought I was getting somewhere as the pains were getting worse so I had an injection of meptid to help (it helped abit and made me sleepy inbetween the contractions) but when the shift changed at 7:30am and I was examine by the new midwife I was only 8 or 9 cms which really disheartened me. Also because my waters hadn't gone they now wanted to break them which would make the contractions stronger and hopefully help me to progress. However because it turned out Evan wasn't actually engaged they had to get a doctor to break my waters in a controlled way in order to stop the cord coming down before Evan's head. The whole process was horrible as I had to lie on my back (which was the worst position for the contractions) and have things poked up me whilst other people held my stomach and stuff, it was grim. After they had broken my waters I was in much more pain and suddenly knew what the urge to push felt like! Although the doctor told me not to (she was quite abrupt to be honest) as I would just tire myself out but its hard to go against your body when it wants to do something! I was asking for more pain relief at this point so they gave me another shot of meptid. I was getting quite upset by now and was asking for an epidural as I didn't feel I could cope (I had chewed threw 3 of the gas and air mouth pieces with the pain!) especially when they said I had to wait an hour to be examined again by the doctor to see where I was. However they put me off the epidural until I had been examined. After an hour they found I was fully dilated and therefore couldn't have an epidual but atleast now they would let me push, however they wouldn't guide me on the pushing for another hour. Anyway they kept checking me and suddenly they could see the head so they quickly started telling me when to push and Evan was born at 10:28am. The relief when he came out and they gave him to me was amazing. I couldn't believe I had just given birth to him! The labour in total was 13.5 hours which is quite short for a first labour. The actual pushing stage was only 50 minutes and although very painful atleast I could feel him moving down and like there was a point to it. Through the night was definitely the worst bit. I am glad they put me off the epidural even though I would gladly have been hit over the head with a hammer at the time if it had helped the pain! I was lucky in that I didn't really tear and only had to have a few stitches (which have now stopped hurting and I can go to the toilet without wincing!) It will definitely be a good few years before we have another and yes it was the most painful thing I have ever (and will ever do) but he is more than worth it.

Not much else to say really, we have had loads of visitors and cards and presents I have been amazed at peoples generosity/thoughtfulness. S has had 2 weeks off and still has all of next week off which is nice however he is unable to sit down or relax and spend time with Evan and I, so he is using the time to redecorate our bedroom. Which means knocking back to the brick work, replastering etc etc. So us and all our belongings are crammed in Evan's room and the house is a building site as usual. Not what I need 2 weeks after having a baby but it is easier to let him get on with it then atleast he is happy. I am hoping it will only be 5 days or so of disruption until we can get back in there. Not sure what I am going to do but my mum is coming down tomorrow which will be nice especially now I am more able to do things. Jxx

Evan is here!

Just a very short post to say that our son was born on Thursday 12th February at 10:28 am weighing 6lb 11oz. I went into labour at half 9 after getting home from my birthday meal at the Royal! Labour was hard but everything went as well as it could have done. I had gas and air and meptid for pain relief but no epidural, anyway I will write about it properly at a later date! We are all doing ok, S is fantastic, the dogs seem fine with him and Evan himself is perfect (although hasn't slept in the night yet!) Breastfeeding is hopefully getting easier, I am quite tired and it hurts to go for a wee (even though I was very lucky and only had 1 small tear that only needed a few stitches) but he is all worth it! Jxx

Still here

I'm still here and haven't gone into labour yet! Appologies for the lack of posting I have been online but kept forgetting to come on here until now. Here's a brief rundown of the last weeks activities.

Monday - I finished work, didn't really do much all day just went through a last few things with Je. It was so odd to finish I couldn't actually believe that I wasn't in the next day and that none of it was my responsibilty any more. It wasn't until I woke up on Tuesday morning and S went to work and I didn't that it really hit me. Already I don't want to know anything about it and I don't want to go back...

Tuesday - I got up early as I was waiting for a phone call from J to see if she was free. She was free after lunch so I did the housework and took the dogs for a walk then J picked me up and we went into Morecambe as we both needed to go to the bank. She bought me some more cot blankets and a little outfit set in Ethel Austins and we had a coffee and a cake in the Arndale which was nice. After that she took me to Lidl so I could get the shopping and by the time we got home and had a brew it was nearly time for S to get home.

Wednesday - I was on my own all day and was quite fed up. I took the dogs out and they were a nightmare barking and pulling. I was upset when I got home and the day seemed to drag. S didn't get home until 10pm as he had gone to his cousins to do some tiling on their bathroom so I had been on my own since 8 in the morning and felt abit stir crazy.

Thursday - My mum came down to see me which was lovely. We took the dogs out and she walked Arnie and I had Bailey which was much easier. We had a good walk as the weather was nice and sunny. When we got back we went into Lancaster to Costa for a sandwich and a coffee then she left about 4:30ish. S didn't get in until 9:45pm as he had been to his cousins again so I was glad I hadn't been alone all day.

Friday - I had a midwife appointment at 8:45am so I got up early with S. The appointment itself was a disappointment. I had really hoped that she would go through my birth plan with me (I have written one from the information from antenatal but no one has actually talked to me about it or filled out the page in my maternity notes) but when I asked about it she said that they don't do it until you are in labour! Surely thats abit late to be discussing your options?! Also she has not given me any indication whether he is likely to be born soon or if he looks like he'll be late. I know they can't really tell you but I feel like she has not really told me anything all the way through. When its your first baby it is nice to get some reassurance about what is going on. Everything seems to be fine (blood pressure, his heart rate etc) and he is head down and the right way which is good but he still isn't engaged which makes me think he will be late. He has moved down somewhat but he definitely isn't actually engaged yet. All she has said to me is that she will see me on my due date and if he isn't here then then we will talk about sweep/induction etc. I really don't want to have to go down that route. I know he will come when he is ready and if he isn't going to come for 3, nearly 4 weeks then that is up to him. I just wish I had some indication one way or another as every day I wake up wondering and feeling like I can't make any plans.

Anyway on Friday afternoon I went to meet F&A in Morecambe as they were taking D to a softplay place there so A took D on that whilst F and I had a chat which was nice. Friday night D came round and had some drinks with S which was ok but I was tired and S had drunk a bittle and a half of wine and was annoying me abit.

Saturday - S got up early and decided to put the new door on the kitchen (to keep the cold out and the dogs in) instead of the scratty dog gate. This meant that I was stuck upstairs in the bedroom trying to keep warm and to keep the dogs out of his way. I ended up in tears as I was sick of being on my own with the dogs and being so big and pregnant and awkward. None of my clothes fit me anymore and I can't even put my own socks on. I just felt so down and wanted it all to be over. After S had put the door on I made him come out as I did not want another day of just sittin in the house. We went down to the factory shop for a nosy and then to a wallpaper shop in Morecambe to choose some paper for our bedroom. That night D came round and we ordered a takeaway (pizza not nearly as nice as S's homemade ones) and watched "Don't mess with the Zohan" on dvd.

Sunday - We did some housework and then took the dogs to the kennels as they were staying overnight a we were having everybody round for my early birthday celebrations and didn't think a full house plus 2 excitable dogs was the best idea. After we got back it started snowing so it was a good job we had put then in rather than left the outside. Everyone came round about half 6 ish, P&K, EG, F&A and D. We ordered a nice and spicy takeaway then the lads had drinks and we listened to music and chatted. F and A left about 9 as they had left F's mum watching D, the others left shortly after except D who stayed til about half 10. I had a really good night, the takeaway was lovely, it was nice not to have to worry about the dogs (although I missed them when we went to bed) and again I feel so happy to have lovely friends.

Today - I got up with S as I wanted to pick the dogs up from the kennels early and to get the food shopping done so that I wouldn't need to go out later in case it snowed again. I dropped S at work (feeling very glad I wasn't going) and went to Lidl which was lovely and quiet. I then drove up to Hest Bank to collect the boys. I managed to get them in the car ok and they didn't really bark on the way home. So I was feeling pretty happy as I had got everything done and it was only half 9, until I went to get them out of the boot. Somehow Arnie had chewed through his lead and so when I opened the boot he was loose. He lept out and started running up the street. I immediately started running after him but the trouble with Arnie is he doesn't come back and when you run after him he runs away further. I was crying because I knew what had happened last time he got off and I was on my own and pregnant so I couldn't run properly anyway. I was petrified he was going to run onto the junction at the top of our road and get hit by a lorry as there are always loads coming off the ferries. Fortunately he ran down the country lane t the carravan park. I started to go down there after him but he was way ahead of me and I had left the front door open and the car open with Bailey attatched to it so I knew I had to go back. I didn't have my phone or anything on me to ring S so I went crying back down our street and got Bailey (who was waiting patiently) and went to take him in the house. The next thing Arnie comes running back down the street and straight past me. I know I still can't catch him so I'm standing there in the road crying, hoping he'll come over when the girl over the road looks at me through her window and asks if I'm ok. I shake my head and she comes to the front door. I'm crying and telling her I've lost my dog so she says to put Bailey in the house and that she'll put her shoes on and help me. Then Arnie appears again. She asks what his name is and when I tell her she calls to him and he comes over to her so she grabs him! I could not believe he has just come to her so I'm crying and saying thank you over and over again. She holds him while I put Bailey on his chain in the backyard and then take Arnie from her and put him out too. She asked me to go over to her house to have a cup of tea while I calm down so I do. I was there about an hour just having a chat with her and calming down. She had a baby 4 months ago so we are talking about babies and stuff. She is absolutely lovely and I am so grateful she was there and helped me or I dread to think what might have happened. I hope now we have broken the ice we may become friends as we seem to have alot in common and I always found it a shame we didn't really know our neighbours. Anyway I have spent the rest of the day trying to relax at home as I have really hurt myself by running and can't stand up straight or walk without it hurting. I hope I feel better tomorrow although if all this drama hasn't brought on labour then I don't know what will!

In other news, the reason D has been round at our house all weekend is because he and P have finally split up (again I know) but this time I'm pretty sure its for real as it has come from her. God only knows why but she reckons she has had enough and can't be bothered making the effort (!) anymore so they are selling the house and splitting up. They are still living there but separate beds, separate lives etc. Either way the atmosphere is obviously not particularly good so he has been coming round here. It has been nice to see him and he does seem happier in a way. I think because it has been coming for about a year it isn't really a shock and atleast now he can make plans for the rest of his life instead of living a miserable existance tip toeing around her, working 7 days a week whilst she spends all the money. She has quit her job again so he's working all hours to pay the mortgage but there is an end in sight hopefully. I hope we will see more of him now and he will be a better brother too.

Not much else to say really I have got pains in my back and side so I think I am going to have a lie down for abit. I won't leave it so long next time! Jxx