Xmas is almost here!

So it is nearly Christmas! And I am looking forward to it alot. We bought the last few bits we needed to on Saturday and are going to have a present wraping session tonight so I am pretty much done! Got to get S to bake my sisters cookies on Xmas eve and I have got some peppermint creams to make for J and some coconut things to make for my dad maybe tomorrow afternoon but that is it! I have felt so much better for being organized this year especially with being pregnant and finishing work the day before Xmas eve!

I am especially looking forward to being off work. Today is the last full day in work and so far it has not been as bad as I expected (touch wood) We are in tomorrow morning just to tie up any loose ends and then we are off on the stupid Xmas do, although I should be home sometime in the afternoon. I really hope S does not get too drunk and stupid as I am picking him up from Lancaster at some point and I do not want to be going out at 3 in the morning nor do I like him very much when he is drunk ;-(

We went to F&A's last night to see them and K&P as it was the last time we would see them before Xmas. We had a dominos takeaway and the lads had a few beers and it was lovely ;-) I'm sure we will see them whilst we are off as well.

I hope the dogs are ok over Xmas. They had a fight on Friday which was our fault as we got Bailey wound up as he had taken a crisp packet and wouldn't give it back, then Arnie came in growling as Bailey was being disobedient and because Bailey was mad he went for him. It was horrible but we separated them and again they did not really have any injuries. It just really knocks my confidence after they have fought and I know I make the situation worse as I am on edge and they can feel it. They hadn't fought for ages and I had just got to the point where I wasn't bothered about Arnie growling occasionally as we just ignored it and so did Bailey but now I am tense every time he starts getting twitchy. I had to leave the room when we were going to bed on Friday night as I felt so nervous of him and it was making it worse. I know I need to get out of this nervous state of mind as they had been good for months and we have just generally been leaving them to sort it out amongst themselves (as it is only when Bailey is disobedient to us that Arnie growls so if we remove ourselves from the situation then it removes the issue) I need to be like S and not let it affect me or think about it but it is hard as I am quite emotional at the moment anyway ;-( I love them so much and I just want them to be happy. I do feel that Arnie has calmed down a lot and is generally much better but we still need to correct him at times. As long as Bailey doesn't react (which is 90% of the time) then it isn't a problem however if Bailey is annoyed then he will react and thats what causes the fights.

No other news really. I am feeling the effects of being pregnant now. I can't walk very far at all without feeling like I am desperate for the toilet which is annoying! And my back hurts when ever I get up from sitting/lying down. I can't stay in the same position for very long or else it hurts, my ribs hurt, I wake up in the night with cramp and pins and needles in my hands/legs... I am glad I am getting near the end now as I am feeling more and more awkward as well as disliking how I look and not finding any clothes that make me look nice. Apart from having my baby here I cannot wait to be able to wear normal clothes and do normal things again!

I probably won't write again til after Christmas now, so Merry Christmas! I hope it is a joyful, peaceful one. Jxx

The usual

Pregnancy moans - I'm really tired again although I am trying to go to bed at a reasonable time. My ribs hurt most of the time, especially at work as I am sitting hunched over a computer for 8 hours a day, the bottom of my back also hurts and I can't bend down to do anything as it is too awkward/painful. I get short of breath whenever I do anything like walking or going up or down stairs. I feel so fat and unfit. My thighs are massive (not that they were small before) which is depressing. I really hope I can lose the weight afterwards. I'm so glad I have been in pregnant in winter so I can cover myself up. I really do not like looking at myself at the moment. I had my haircut which has made it feel alot better but it still isn't how I want it. I think I have an image in my head of what I want to look like and unfortunately it isn't what I look like! (And never will) I know I need to accept that I am how I am but I'm finding it hard.

We still haven't got things sorted for Evan/his room. F and A gave us a load of clothes which I am washing and sorting through. Most of them are bigger sizes but will be useful in a few months. S's mum bought a gorgeous blue furry snowsuit with little ears on the hood. It is the cutest thing. I still need to buy him some more clothes and we are going to get the pram and cot sorted after Xmas as there might be some reductions by then. I know there are over 9 weeks left but I am still hoping he might be early and I want to have everything ready in time. We are going on a tour of the hospital tonight at antenatal which I am looking forward to, we might even see some actual babies!

Work - has not actually been too bad this week (touch wood) as D has been free to cover repairs and emergancies and has been alot more helpful. It really makes all the difference. We only have this week and Monday next week then Tuesday is our Christmas do and we are finished thank god. Wish I didn't have to come back afterwards but I supose I would just be bored at home and we need the money.

Money - I don't know why we seem to be ok for money and then suddenly we are skint again. We spent more than I intended to at the weekend as we went to Sheffield for my Uncles wedding (which was lovely and so good to see all the family) but the car park cost us £11.50 and we had dinner in the hotel on the friday night as it was late and we couldn't find anywhere else which cost us £34! (It was a posh hotel) so I need to make that up somehow. It was a lovely hotel though and S and I finally got to cuddle up in bed without the dogs getting in between us!

The dogs - Are good at the moment, Arnie seems to have come into his own much more and is such an affecionate little dog. He sits on our knees all the time and is much more smiley and less stressed. Bailey has been abit up and down however generally he has been better too. We picked them up from the kennels Sunday morning and took them down to Middleton sands. It was deserted because the tide was up so we played on the grass with them and Bailey went swimming in the sea as S kept throwing tennis balls for him. I had Arnie on a long rope as we still can't trust him to come back but he was having great fun scampering everywhere. I hate putting them in kennels even though they don't mind and always go quite happily. I worry about them when I am not with them and I know I will feel bad over Christmas cos they are not with us. We are hoping that next year when Evan is here we won't have to put them in and we will go and see people just for the day or they will come and see us instead.

Time - is going so slowly at the moment! I know it is because I am waiting to finish and waiting for Evan to be here. I am more or less sorted for Christmas just got some baking to do next week. I still love being able to drive and pop to get something if I need it instead of having to rely on S. Really want to get the van sold but it looks like it will be after Christmas by the time we get it on the auto trader now. S is going back to M's bathroom one night this week so I think I will watch a Christmas film with my boys. This weekend we will probably get the last bits for presents and take the dogs for a good run on the beach again (weather permitting) Sunday we are going to F&A's to see them, E, K and P and to exchange cards etc which will be lovely.

Not much else to say, I am feeling pretty festive and pretty happy which is great! Just want this week to hurry up! Jxx

Feeling abit stressed

As usual this time of year is busy and stressful at work, I always expect it and to be fair this year I feel I have coped with it better than in previous years and been more organized etc. However there is no way you can get to everybody fast enough and people will always complain and put pressure on you. I am so glad there is only a week left (and one day) I just want to get through next week and then it will all be over. I wish we weren't finishing so late as we finish on the 23rd and then we are off to my mums the next day. Still I have almost got all my presents so thankfully I am not too stressed about that. There are still things to do at home though and we are away this weekend at my Uncle's wedding in Sheffield so there is only really next weekend to get anything done. I have also hardly seen S again recently which is getting me down. He spent all day Saturday at M's working on his stupid bathroom and then I spent Sat evening at F's with her, K and E (which was lovely, I truly am blessed to have such great friends) but I still missed him and then he was drunk and rude when I got home so I got upset ;-(

In other news; I have done abit of driving in the van already which is still great and which I am still over the moon about. Saturday day I drove into Lancaster and met S's mum to have a look round the shops, which was a silly idea really as it was heaving but it was better than sitting at home on my own and was nice to spend some time with J. I gave her a card and some flowers for helping me with my driving. On Sunday we went to Glasson Dock so S could do some jobs for his dad and we had sunday dinner there which was very nice. We got home and watched Miracle on 34th street and that was it really. This week I have driven to Lidl and Asda to go shopping and on Tues night we went to antenatal. It was a much shorter class this week on labour and birth positions which was interesting but was all stuff I really already knew. Atleast we were home by 8. Last night S went to M's again to grout the floor tiles and he is going back again tonight as I am going to his other cousins with his mum to get my hair cut as it is a right state. I have dyed it again (abit darker this time) so hopefully she can do something with it and make it abit mre presentable haha.

Not much else to say at the moment. Evan is really active now and makes lots of movements. I am still feeling huge and unattractive and am not particularly looking forward to eveings out over the next 10 weeks until he arrives. I cannot wait to meet him and also to stop being pregnant! Jxx

I Passed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I finally passed my driving test this morning! I am absolutely over the moon, I can't even begin to explain how happy I am. I had 2 hours before hand as my instructor wanted to give me the best opportunity to get into my stride (as I always got better as the lessons went on) and it gave me a chance to calm down. I also had my rescuse remedy pastilles to suck which I think help alot. I went for my test at 11:21 and I had the instructor I had had twice before (who I thought was quite strict) As soon as we sat off someone nearly drove into me on a mini roundabout which totally frightened me and made me think I had failed (even though they were in the wrong) after that I thought that I may as well do my best and just see how it went. I had to reverse round a corner and do a 3 point turn as well as general driving. I had never been on the route we went on before which was good as I wasn't trying to second guess what was coming next. When we had finished I really didn't know if I had passed or not and when he said I had I was so happy I could have cried. I got 5 minors and he told me to take my time more and hold back more (all things W has always said to me). I couldn't stop smiling when he told me I had passed, its such a great feeling.

I really owe so much to W she has been a fantastic instructor and has taught me to be a safe driver instead of just ticking boxes to pass the test, I also am so grateful to J&B for paying for me to have the lessons with her as without them I would never have got here. I'm going to get cards for both of them and some flowers. I did feel different about this test in that I felt much better prepared and confident that I could deal with whatever happened. I still felt so nervous but I was trying to keep positive and when I woke up this morning I felt excited too in that this could be the day...and it was! It feels like a weight has totally been lifted and I can now look forward to Christmas and Evan coming without anything hanging over me. Its brilliant.

In other news: Last weekend was abit rubbish as we didn't do anything on Sat but then my mum and dad came down on Sunday and took us out for tea to a new Italian in Lancaster which was nice (and they undercharged us!) so that cheered me up. We also took the dogs out for a long walk with them as it was sunny but cold which I enjoyed as we always seem to walk further when there are other people to talk to. This week has been manic at work as usual so I was feeling stressed and plus I have been worrying about my test. S has been late every night and then has been having to go to M's as well to work on their stupid bathroom so I haven't seen him much again. He is helping M all day tomorrow but atleast now I can drive I can do whatever I want!

Evan is very active now and moves about/kicks me lots. I think I even felt a foot or something last night as he kicked me so I proded him back! Everything is still going fine with him (touch wood) I get pains if bend down or stay in one position too long but apart from that I am enjoying feeling him move. I had my blood taken again last Friday at the docs as well as my anti d injection (the blood taking was worse) I don't see anyone again until after Christmas now. We have also started antenatal classes this week which are on Tuesday evenings, this week we did about cot death and abit about labour, next week we are doing birthing positions/massage etc and the week after we get a tour of the hospital. We also have 2 more sessions after Christmas. I thought the class was fun and informative but the best bit I think is that it actually gets some information into S as when I tell him things he doesn't seem to listen! Jxx