Updates

• So the dog trainer lady came on Saturday and spent 2 hours with us (all for free) and she was lovely. She has given us lots of different things we can try with Bailey (and Arnie) in order to try and make him a calmer, better behaved dog. We have to do 15 minutes of touch therapy with him a day and 15 minutes of command training especially the stay command. We have also got some harnesses and face wraps to try with them which makes them feel secure and keeps them calmer. By the end of the session Bailey was a lot more relaxed and when D came round last night to pick up P's birthday present we managed to only have him jump up twice as S used the spray collar and then gave him treats and got him to sit and stay and he was so so much better. I really feel if we work at it then he can be better behaved and a much calmer/happier dog. She also thinks that Arnie's problems are due to Bailey as he is either feeding off his energy and reacting to it by becoming hyper himself or he is feeling stressed out by Bailey's behaviour which results in the snapping/growling. We have to see how we get on and then call her in a week or two and we will see where we go from there.
• We didn't end up going to the cinema on Friday night as S was tired and couldn't be bothered. I do want to see this film though so I'm going to have to persuade him to go maybe one night this week or it will just end up being something else I don't get to see!
• My mock driving test was rubbish. Well it went better than I thought it might of/how my previous tests have gone but I still didn't pass and she gave me lots of serious which I was very disappointed about. It was upsetting as although I know I have improved since she has been teaching me and my overall standard of driving is much better I still have problems with my observations and these are what let me down. I concentrate so hard on controlling the car and other people arond me in cars that I apparantly don't look far enough ahead on the road and consider every potential situation with pedestrains etc bla bla bla. Apparantly if a pedestrian is in the middle of the road even though they shouldn't be and its your right of way and they can see you, you should stop and let them cross even though they could/should have waited? I know it sounds like common sense but it wasn't like I was trying to run him over I just expected him to wait and cross when it was clear. Stuff like that, where I didn't know how I was expected to react and I obviously reacted the wong way. I still have a couple of months til my test though so I guess these are the things I need to work on. Saying that I did do my reverse round a corner ok so I supose that is something!
• I have been looking at our money situation (as always) and trying to see how we are going to have enough money to cover our ever increasing bills whilst I am on maternity leave and seeing what other things we need to save for. I have worked out that F&A's wedding is going to cost us around £400 which is a hell of alot. Its because both and S and I are going on the stag/hen do's (around £100 each) then £90 for the room, £50 for a present, money for drinks etc. I know they are our best friends and it will be worth it I'm sure but I'm glad I thought about it now as we really need to start saving up in order to make sure we can afford it as we will be living on £30 a week when I'm not working which is not alot!
• Can't wait for my scan, only 7 days to go. It feels like it has taken forever to come round when I supose it hasn't really. I just want to see our baby and know it is ok. I would also like to feel it more as it is still only very faint and not even every day. PLus once we know things are ok/what we are having we can finally buy things and make it seem more real! Jxx

Good & Bad

Bad

• I'm in pain at the moment. Its the tightening/stitch like pain in my ribbs and its driving me mad. It doesn't matter what position I'm in it still hurts and all I can do is wait for it to go away.
• I'm so tired and bored today. I have things to do but I can't be bothered I'm sick of looking at crap on the net and the internet running slowly. I want to go home.
• I have my mock driving test tomorrow and I'm nervous about it. I don't want to do it. I don't know why I am always so negative about my driving. I know that I don't have confidence in myself and my ability and I am always being told that I need to. I wish I could get out of this pattern of negative thinking/feeling about it.

Good

• I can actually feel the baby moving. I have definitely felt some slight kicks and moving about. It is such an odd feeling. The thing it reminds me of most is when you are dreaming and you fall and you wake yourself up with a jump! Sometimes I still wonder if I am making it up/imagining it. I look at my stomach and despite the bump I still cannot believe that there is a baby in there and one day it will come out. I know that sounds so simplistic but I can't explain it. I don't know whether I will believe I'm having a baby until it is literally here and even then I don't know. Its not that I don't love it or want it because I do I just feel so detatched from the whole situation. I wish I was more excited and was bonding with it better.
• We have spoken to a dog trainer lady who has been recommended to us and she is coming to meet the dogs tomorrow at 2. She doesn't charge for the first session and then its £20 per session after that which I think is very good really. Hopefully she will be able to find some way to help us.
• We are going to the cinema tonight to see a film called Taken that both S and I thought looked good from the trailer. We still have cinema vouchers left so it will be free which is always good.
• I made £21 selling some old cd's online last night and I am going to go in the loft this weekend and see if there are any more I can sell. Every little helps and all that. Jxx

A reprieve?

Arnie may have been granted a reprieve. After more talks with S and alot of searching through articles on the internet yesterday we believe that we are the root of the problems with the dogs, or rather Bailey's lack of obedience is the problem. I have found some information on canine rivalry which sum up exactly the problems we are facing and the fact that it only occurs when we are there. Basically when we aren't there Arnie is the dominant dog and Bailey is the submissive dog and everythings fine. However when we are there Bailey acts up and is disobedient and bouncy and disrespects us. As Arnie sees us as pack leaders when Bailey plays up he tries to put him in his place which leads to us telling Arnie off and Bailey getting worse which then ends in a dog fight. Instead of telling off Arnie we need to support him in his role as dominant dog and step up Bailey's training in order to make him more obedient and subservient both to us and to Arnie. Bailey is a naturally submissive dog and Arnie is a naturally dominant dog however Arnie respects us and Bailey doesn't and here is where the problem is. In getting Arnie we hoped it would stop Bailey's problems however it has just transfered an issue to Arnie instead of us dealing with Bailey's disobedience. We have found a list of ways to support Arnie in his dominant role however we are also going to seek professional help and have ordered a remote citronella spray collar for Bailey in the hope that it will stop him doing some of his bad behaviours (jumping up, barking at cyclists etc) Unfortunately this all costs money we don't have however we feel that we have to give it one last try to get over these problems before we give a dog away especially as even if we let Arnie go Bailey will still be hard work on is own (as he was before)

The safety of our baby is still of paramount importance and if we feel that the dogs can't be trusted together then one (or both) will have to go but both S and I want to make sure we have exhausted every possible avenue before we resort to this. I do feel much more positive about the situation today. Its as if a light has come on and we finally understand why this situation is happening. It is so strange as on Monday I couldn't understand why we were given Arnie as it seemed so right for us to get him and yet only for him to have to go again. I asked for some guidance as to whether we were doing the right thing and then yesterday I discovered all this new information that I had never read before only because I put something different into google. I printed sheets off and highlighted bits and read them to S and even he could see how exactly it fitted our situation. I really really hope we can work through this and end up with two happy and well adjusted dogs. Fingers crossed. Jxx

Heartbroken

I am feeling so sad today. We have decided that we are going to have to find a new home for Arnie as he is still picking fights and growling at Bailey and we can't cope with it anymore. E's boyfriend O had to help S and I separate them on Saturday night when they were fighting and it was just awful. They didn't hurt each other (a small cut each) but it looks and sounds so horrible and isn't fair on either of them. We try to separate them immediately but I don't know what would happen if we didn't and I am frightened as to what could happen if I was on my own with them and the baby. Arnie is a lovely little dog but I think he needs to be the only dog in the house. On his own he is fine and so loving and friendly and much less hardwork than Bailey however I just don't see how he can continue to live with Bailey and us unless he is muzzled every time he is inside which is miserable for him. If I am thinking of his best interests then he would surely be happier in a home with no other dogs where he isn't getting shouted at and having to wear his muzzle. I just feel so guilty that we have let him down. I have been in tears all morning as I didn't want it to come to this but I do not feel I have any other choice. I have emailed N who we got him from to see if she knows anyone who would have him otherwise we will start to look for someone round here. I will never let him go to an animal home or anything, I just want him to be happy and have the right home. Every time I think about him I start to cry again.

The Arnie situation has somewhat overshaddowed what should have been a lovely weekend. My driving lesson was great on Saturday morning the best one I've had. We went to Hala where it was lovely and quiet. I did all my manouvers and seemed to be getting them better, so much so that she has suggested bringing my test forward. I'm not sure about that but she has brought my mock test forward to next week so we will see what happens after that. After my lesson we dashed into town to get a present for D and E-B's christening and then cleaned everywhere when we got home. We took the dogs out for a run on the beach to try and tire them out before E and O arrived about 7:30 ish. That evening we watched X Factor and played on the Wii however I couldn't relax as I was constantly hanging on to the dogs as my sister isn't keen on them and then after their fight I was even more tense even though I was trying to put a cheerful face on. We went to bed about 12 but I just lay their crying as I didn't know what to do about Arnie and wished that I had just put them in kennels for the weekend and then it wouldn't have happened. Sunday we got up and ready and got to F and A's about 12 for D's birthday party which was lovely although there were quite a few people there and I am rubbish at random family gatherings as I just sit there and feel awkward. We left about 2 as E needed to go to Aldi and get some fruit and we wanted to have some time at home before we went out for tea. S fell asleep on the sofa whilst E, O and I had a chat. We then went to Pizzahut at half 6 to meet F & A and had a really lovely meal. I had a voucher for 50% off food which is why we went but it was such a good laugh and everyone got on really well. O is a lovely lad and so good for my sister I hope she stays with him a while. He made a proper effort with everyone and even brought us some chocolates for having him to stay bless him. All in all it was a lovely weekend apart from the dogs oh and I ate too much last night.

I think today has hit me hard though. I didn't sleep well all weekend for worrying about the dogs and I just feel tired and emotional. I saw S's cousins baby (E-B) on Saturday when we went to take her christening present round and then saw F&A's nephew yesterday and I look at them and cannot relate that I will be having one in 5 months time. I honestly do not believe that there is a baby in there, I can't picture what it will look like and I have no idea how I will cope with it. I do not know the first thing about babies. People keep saying things to me like what will you do about such and such when the baby is here and I can't answer them because I don't know. Its like I do not believe that there will actually be a baby in February. I am begining to worry that I am not bonding with this baby at all. I wish I could feel it and actually believe that it is there and ok. I feel odd today, really sad and just want to cry all the time. Jxx

Money

I hate money sometimes. Why does it have to make the world go round? S and I were watching Build, Buy or Restore last night and there was a property on it that was an old stone cottage somewhere in Wales that came with 3 acres of field/forrest. The house needed totally rebuilding, utilities putting in etc but it would have been amazing. We both said we would love to live somewhere like that with lots of land for the dogs and children to play on away from the stresses of everyday life and consumerism. I know it is just a dream but sometimes I would like to be self sufficient living somewhere with just S, the dogs and our baby....

Talking of money British Gas have put our gas up to £69 a month! £69 for gods sake. Even though we are in credit with them and should be using less gas because of the new boiler. I'm so cross we just don't have the money and we are trying to be careful/economical as it is. I can only hope that they will put it down again when we prove that we aren't using that much although I do not think that is likely as I have never known them to put gas direct debits down. Strangely enough we owe them money on the electric but those payments remain the same?

La is really doing my head in at the moment. She is pregnant again (not that I'm bothered about that) but now she thinks that gives her a reason to message me loads of stuff about it just because I am pregnant as well, I don't care! Every message has abit in it trying to get one up on me (ie. they have no debt they can spend their money on what they like bla bla bla) Erm well thats BECAUSE THEY LIVE IN A COUNCIL HOUSE for fucks sake! Not that I have anything against people who have council house because they NEED them, its just that her and M don't need one they earnt the same as S and I did (before she started doing 10 hours a week at work) could afford a new car, flat screen tv's, pub 3 times a week etc but they wanted to live in a pretty little village and couldn't afford the housing there (to buy, they could afford to rent cos they were) so they get given a brand new council house. Only now they will get given a 3 bedroom council house cos she is pregnant again! Yet there are probably people out there who actually need council properties and can't get them. It makes me cross. It's funny how she never admits to anyone its a council house though, she's going on about moving but she fails to mention why. Hmmm. One message ended by asking me if I had many "mummy friends"! What on earth? Sorry I don't choose my friends based on their ability to pop out a baby! In my experiences so far I have found some mums to be very competitive and only interested in talking about how good/wonderful their child is. I have some amazing close friends (for which I am so grateful) some of whom have children and some don't and 2 lovely (mainly!) families and I am more than happy with them and I know they will give S and I all the support we need. I don't think she appreciated my reply on the matter as she sent a very brief message back about something totall different. Oh well!

Other news in brief: The carpet for the baby's room is in so we can pick it up tonight which is great as it means my sister and O won't have to sleep on underlay! I thought I might have felt the baby yesterday when I was waiting for S to finish work. It felt like something in my stomach was turning over but not like nerves or butterflies like something had literally turned over. Its hard to explain. I haven't felt it since but I'm waiting and hoping. I seem to have stopped leaking so I'm hoping it was something of nothing. Jxx

10 random facts about me

1. I got married on the 07/07/07 as it is 30 years to the day that my mum and dad first met (07/07/77)
2. I have 5 tattoos and have plans for atleast 2 more.
3. My younger sister is a dancer at Merseyside dance and drama which is where Ray & Eton Road from last years X factor went.
4. I did Welsh and German GCSE's and got A's but can't remember much of it now.
5. I have 2 dogs called Bailey and Arnold who are insane but I love to pieces.
6. My husband and I are both only 5"4 so everyone thinks our baby will be a shorty too.
7. I do not feel pregnant at all and worry sometimes that it will all be a mistake.
8. I have worked for a plumbing and heating firm for 4 years and am pretty knowledgable about boilers!
9. I drink atleast 5 cups of tea a day
10. I love any crime programmes especially CSI, Law and Order etc.

Days crawling by

Time is going so slowly at the moment. I know it is because I am waiting for my scan but the days at work just drag on. I am reasonably busy these days so it isn't that I haven't got stuff to do I guess I am just unmotivated and would rather be doing something else. I really want to know everything is ok with this baby the thought of 19 more days is driving me mad. I wish I had gone for the private scan as I could have had it on Saturday.

I am also looking forward to this weekend because my sister and her boyfriend are coming down on Saturday evening and then Sunday it is baby D's first birthday party so we are going to that and then in the evening us 4 plus F&A are going to pizza hut for tea (I have a 50% off voucher) I know it will be a nice and busy weekend for a change.

Still feeling so tired, I keep falling asleep on the sofa. We are going to bed at 10 or 10:30pm and I'm sleeping through so its not like I'm not getting enough sleep. I guess it is just the baby taking what it needs from me? I've still only got a little bump and still fitting into normal clothes which I'm happy about. It's funny I seemed to put weight on noticably at the begining of my pregnancy but touch wood now it is just my stomach that is getting rounder rather than me just getting fatter! My navy cardigan arrived from Topshop yesterday, it is thinner than I expected and at £18 a bit of a rip off but I couldn't find another one I liked so I'm happy with it. I had ordered 2 other long sleeve tops and a t shirt but I have returned them all as my sister is getting me one for £2.50 from Primark and I didn't really need the others. I think I am getting better at (not) spending money as before I would have just kept them regardless but now I won't if I don't love it/really need it then it goes back and I don't buy on impulse I make lists and try to get what I want as cheap as possible. Small steps! Jxx

Worrying

I keep worrying about things at the moment. I am worried about the state of the economy, the cost of living and whether things will ever pick up. I'm worried that our mortgage will shoot up when we come out of our fixed rate (not til 2011 but still) I'm worried work will go quiet and they will have to lay people off. I'm worried about taking and not passing my driving test (I've booked it for the 5th December so ages away but still) I'm worried about my mum and dad as when I see them both together I wonder how much they love each other and why my dad can't be nicer to my mum. They came down on Sunday to see us and took us out to tea (New Holly - was very nice). Its been quite a while since I've seen them both together and I just felt so sad that my dad was interupting and talking over my mum all the time. I could see that it annoyed her but all she did was pull a face. It just reminded me of why I left home and moved away and although I have all these nice visions of a happy family and wish that I could see them more it just showed me that things haven't really changed and that what I want isn't possible. I'm also worried that they are going to find more things wrong with my dad.

But most of all I'm worried about this baby. I still haven't felt any kind of movements yet even though other people are seeming to. I'm also worried as today I seem to be "leaking" and after looking it up online I am panicking that it is amniotic fluid. I don't know why it would be and I don't feel ill or in pain but I don't think it should be happening. I know I should ring my midwife but I don't know what to say. I can't go and see her as I'm stuck at work, I don't drive or have anyone who could take me. I want to believe it is nothing but I want to know my baby is ok. I have got 20 days until my scan and that seems ages away. I feel so worried and confused. I don't want to be at work I'm sick of J&D and customers, they all have their own problems that are important to them but they aren't important to me. Don't tell me your problems I can't cope with them I've got problems of my own. I just want to be at home with S and know that our baby is ok. Jxx

Everything changes (and you?)

Its funny to think that 6 moths ago I could never have predicted where my life would be now. I never expected that I would be giving birth just after my 25th birthday. I never thought I would want to/be able to afford to only work 4 days a week. I supose I never imagined being a mum. I mean I always imagined myself with children (and especially S and I with children) but it was always one day, some time in the future, even though I had always said growing up that I thought 25 was a good age to have a baby. I guess I didn't think it would come round so soon or that I would still feel so young and unprepared.

My life and I have changed so much over the past 4 years since I have known S. I hope that I am getting closer to the person Iwant to be and away from the person I used to be. Even this year I have made stupid mistakes that I am annoyed at myself about. I recognise that I am doing it and yet I have still been selfish and done things that could hurt others. In some ways I feel like being pregnant may have saved me as it has slammed shut the door on my old attitude/ways. I will never again be able to be totally selfish I will always have someone else to put first. The consequences of my actions no longer only affect me (and S) they affect our child. Being pregnant has shown me that I can live the simple life without pubs and clubs and male attention. That I don't need texts and clothes and lots of money to be happy. Happiness is not a cigar called Hamlet, it is; spending time with true friends, having a brew with family, walking the dogs in the sunshine and the rain, having a clean and tidy house, cuddling up on the sofa with the ones you love, baking, eating good food.... All those things are things I would never have been truly satisfied with years ago and yet now they make me so glad. I hope I can continue to become a better person, a better wife and a good mum. Jxx

My Boy

I swear Bailey knows that I am pregnant. In recent weeks he has becom much more affecionate and gentle with me. He used to always lie on the back of the sofa nearest the radiator and now he comes and sits in between S and I on the sofa we sit on. The last week or so he has been coming and lying on me and putting his head on my stomach and going to sleep. Last night he had his paw around my stomach as if he was protecting it. I know he is hard work at times but he really is so loving and loyal.

My Dad has to go for radiology to try and kill off the cancer/stop it spreading. They also have found something wrong with his hip bone and something wrong with his blood (too much protein in it?) To be honest we don't know much more than we did before however I guess the diagnosis/treatment is just ongoing and we shall see. The main thing is that he doesn't feel ill at all and his quality of life isn't affected so obviously we just stay positive and see what happens.

Still feeling tired and in pain. Can't be bothered doing any work it gets to the afternoon and I'm just bored. I have some estimates to do but I can't be bothered. Should get on I supose. Jxx

In pain and grumpy

I'm in pain at the moment and have been on and off since yesterday. I keep getting this pain in my ribs like a stitch or someone tightening something around them. It doesn't matter what position I am in I can't get rid of it. Apparantly it is probably my insides being pushed upwards by the baby but it hurts whatever it is. I am so tired and unmotivated at the moment. All I want to do is sleep all the time. I went to Lidl and Asda yesterday to do the shopping and I just didn't want to be there I couldn't concentrate I kept forgetting things and I just wanted to go home and sleep. I got charged twice in Asda for some toothpaste and didn't realise til I got home so I lost £3.27 marvellous. I can't cook at the moment (if I could ever) I tried to make some chocolate cakes last week and they stuck to the tin and went hard, I made some flapjack and it wouldn't stick together then it burnt. I feel useless, my head is fuzzy. I look awful my skin is grey, I keep getting spots on my chest and back, my hair is scruffy. I just want to sleep forever.

I can't be bothered being sociable with people. I'm sick of CF coming here on his dinner. Why does he do it? Why can't he eat at his work, he doesn't work here anymore so why should he get to stride in and take over here and then complain like I don't talk to him like I used to. I'm sorry I don't always feel like talking and in case you haven't noticed I'm working! Some days he even brings his girlfriend as well to all pile into an office that is 4.5x8.5 metres an only has 3 chairs! J has been to a conference last week and has come back all floaty and touchy feely. She is now being super nice and pleasant to everyone which I just find fake. I know I'm so touchy at the moment but all these little things are getting to me.

We went to look round Busy Bees nursery on Friday night which we thought was brilliant and has made me feel alot better about sending the baby to it. The staff were lovely and they do lots of activities with the children, all the food is home cooked etc. I wouldn't mind going there myself! I was telling my mum about it last night and she is still quite negative about me putting the baby in a nursery at all and got offended when I said even if I was rich I would still do some kind of work. I never wanted to be a full time stay at home mum. Yes maybe I would like to work only 3 days a week but I would still like to work othewise what have I got a degree for? I feel like every decision I make with this pregnancy someone is criticising it. Work, nursery, names, and thats before the baby is even here. The only people who have been totally suportive are F&A, everyone else has an opinion to give, a story to tell you and whilst I know they all mean well it is just confusing me and making me stressed.

Weekend was ok, S didn't work so it was nice to see him as it doesn't feel like I see him much at the moment. Driving lesson went ok we did endless reversing round corners. She wants me to set a date for my test next week (for about 6 weeks after that) I don't want to do it again but I want to pass so badly so I will have to. I do feel I have improved I just need to get over my nerves. Saturday afternoon we went into Lancaster so S could go to the Lile tool shop and I wanted to have a look in internacional for some cheap clothes. Couldn't find anything I wanted so we gave up and went through to Glasson Dock to take Auntie P's present through to her. Stayed there for an hour or so and then went to Matalan on the way home and managed to get a check shirt and 3 jumpers for £25 which I was pleased with. In the evening we watched X Factor and that was it really. Sunday we went to F&A's in the afternoon and went for a long walk with them down the canal and back. We were lucky and managed to avoid most of the showers and it actually turned out to be pretty warm. We took the dogs so that they got a decent walk too and to be fair they were reasonably behaved which was a nice change.

I still don't actually believe that I am pregnant, I just feel abit fat and ill I don't actually think that there is a baby in there. It is so odd I can't picture me with a baby, what am I going to do with a baby? It doesn't feel any more real than the pretty daydreams I used to have of S and I with our children. I wonder when I will start believing it and it worries me abit that maybe I'm not bonding with the baby? Not much else to say really, my dad gets the results of his cancer tests this afternoon so I am ringing tonight to hopefully find out whats happening with him and what his treatment will be etc. Hoping it will be as good an outcome as possible. Jxx

Why do I feel sad?

Feeling abit down and emotional again and I don't know why. I know it is probably pregnancy hormones but honestly I always thought I would enjoy my first pregnancy but so far I have done nothing but worry and stress. I don't know if it is because it wasn't planned so that I didn't feel prepared for it or if it is just how I am. I feel bad as I should be making the most of it and remembering all the details and instead I am wishing the weeks past as it means I am one week further on. I am 16 weeks tomorrow, that sounds alot to me I don't know why. 16 weeks sounds properly pregnant as in definitely going to have a baby pregnant. When I get to 20 weeks I will be halfway through already, halfway! I guess I still don't actually believe there is a baby inside me. Its like my brain can't compute that fact and is saying no, impossible, don't be ridiculous there can't be a baby growing in there. It all seems so surreal. My stomach is definitely showing a little bump now and its hard so I know it must be the baby/my uterus or whatever. Strangely I don't mind that as it doesn't look fat. I am still wearing my normal clothes which I am really happy about I want to get to atleast 20 weeks before I have to start thinking about maternity clothes. I managed to get into my topshop jeans last night which made me very happy and means that I can't be as huge as I think I am.

I have decided not to spend the money on a scan as it is alot of money just because I can't wait 2 weeks. I can't really justify it when I could get a lot more for my money on other things. I am feeling abit stressed out about money in general as I have looked at our finances and even if the baby only goes to nursery 2 days a week this will cost us £320 a month which is basically almost all of our £350 savings. I was talking to J yesterday about dropping a day and only working 4 days a week as I would really like to, and it would mean I see our baby 3 days a week, S's mum have it 2 and nursery for 2, however obviously my wages would go down. It is doable but things will be really tight and whilst I can cope with that I don't know if S can as he always needs something for the house or work or beer or a takeaway. I try to talk to him about cutting back but then he still asks me for money and it will be miserable if I am saying no all the time. We will get child benefit and some child tax credits although not much. We may be able to get som help towards childcare through tax credits or through vouchers from work but I don't know how much or whatever yet so I am going on conservative estimates. Normally I wculd feel quite positive as it is definitely possible however today it has just got me down.

I keep having pains under my ribs like a stitch and twinges when I move too quickly. I know it is my insides stretching but it is painful and I can't be bothered. J is away and I am in the office on my own again. I hate having no one to talk to it makes the day go so slowly and I end up demotivated. I have things to do but instead I am mooching about on the net trying to find anything interesting to read. Sorry for the whingy post I just feel on a downer today. Jxx

Yey!

Found out today that S and I will be getting a £60 tax rebate this month and then £10 a month each until March next year (its not only us everyone is getting it as a result of Gordon Brown abolishing something earlier in the year to do with 10p tax) so we are getting £120 this month and then £110 over the next 6 months (I will be on stat pay by March). I am putting the £110 into the baby fund however S and I are going to use the £120 now. What we should do with it is use it to get the rest of the bits we need for the baby's room and then maybe a new door for the bathroom or something however I am so tempted to use mine for a scan. I have wanted a private gender scan for a few weeks now, for several reasons really. One because I just don't feel pregnant (apart from feeling tired all the time) and I hope it might help me bond with the baby if we know what it is and can name it etc, S wants to know so we can buy the paint and the carpet for the baby's room and we can get on with it, and also just because I am impatient and I could find out just over 2 weeks before my NHS scan (which means I "could" know by 2 weeks on Saturday...) Also we may not get to find out at the NHS scan as it is really to check the baby is ok and not for finding out the sex. I know there are more sensible things to spend £65 on but I have been looking at booking one for a few weeks (but knew we couln't afford it) and then today I find out about this which would make it possible. I will speak to S tonight and see what he thinks. Either way it was a very pleasant surprise to get this money whatever we use it for!

Weekend was nice and quiet. S worked on Saturday with SB for some extra cash. I took the dogs out in the morning then did some housework and F, A and D came round in the afternoon and we went to the park with the dogs. It was a lovely warm day even though it wasn't very sunny. I got lots of exercise as did the dogs who were knackered and slept all evening. I also made a dog backpack for Bailey to put weights in to tire him out more and made the dogs a bed out of our old duvet so I felt I had been productive. On Sunday S and I went to Morecambe to get a birthday present for his auntie P (cardigan and puzzle book.) On the way home we called in at his cousins as he wanted S to look at another (unpaid) job for him, and then S treated me to a Mcdonalds with some of his earnings. Sunday night the weather was rubbish so we sat at home and watched the usual tv. I slept badly again as someone in the street woke us up at half 1 shouting. We really do seem to live on a street full of comotion, something is always happening!

Got a cake cookery book in the works on Saturday and some pastry cutters for a pound in the pound shop so yesterday I stocked up on baking ingredients and I will now be baking all our sweet things (instead of buying them) and baking people things for birthdays! We shall see how it all turns out anyway. Jxx