Lost

For some reason I feel totally lost at the moment. I know I am stressed about the wedding and everything coming together ok. Although to be honest everything is booked/confirmed/ready etc so I don't know what I am specifically worrying about. I think the people are whats giving me the stress mostly as you can't ever control people can you? Hmmm.

We have moved the hair appointment to 8am so there will definitely be enough time for E and I to have our hair done, P is only having hers dried and if S&C want theres doing it will have to be somewhere else and paid for by G. I pre-warned them that this might be the case and I tried to phone last night to tell them but no one answered and no one called me back so I will just have to tell them tomorrow when we take the dresses round. I'm just going to keep it really light and say unfortunately my hairdresser isn't going to be able to do the bridesmaids hair as she won't have time so if you wanted to book them in somewhere its up to you otherwise please sort it out. You can guarantee that if they have to pay for it themselves they won't bother. If she asks about E and P then I'm saying E's sorted her own and P's doing hers herself. I am so sick of their unhelpful attitude I really no longer care if they are annoyed by this and also if I do it in the nicest possible way it is very difficult for someone to kick up a fuss with you. I hope.

I have an ulcer that won't go which is because I am stressed, my cold is going thank goodness but I am still full of phlegm which is unpleasant. The weather has been awful, we had torrential rain yesterday although thankfully the sun has come out today. I really hope it does not rain on our wedding day... I wish I was looking forward to it. I mean I am in a way and I can't wait to be S's wife but all the stress of organizing the wedding and everything else is really getting to me. No one except (J, JF and my mum) has been any help to me and I've been so close to telling all of them to just sod off on many occasions! I don't want to be stressed on my wedding day. I want it to be the happiest day of my life and I want to enjoy it!

I feel like I tell S that I'm unhappy and that I need help and he doesn't really listen and then he doesn't do anything about it. He seems to just bury his head in the sand and not give me any support or try to make me feel better. I ended up hvaing a go at him last night as I asked him what he has done towards this wedding which is of course nothing. We wouldn't even be engaged if it was up to him. He just leaves me to do everything so he can lead his easy little life in his comfort zone with me or his mum sorting everything out for him and he can just trundle along never having to worry about anything more than where his next meal is coming from. I know I take over and do things because I want them done right and I want them done now and not next week/year whenever he can be bothered but if I didn't do it know one would and then where would we be. I don't know if I can cope with years of this, I need something back, some support, something....Jxx

Some random info about me

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My auntie Joan and my grandmother Rosemary
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I don't know actually, a few weeks ago I think
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Not really I wish it was neater
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Chicken
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? No only Bailey
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would hope so. I am a good listener, funny and friendly
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Yes
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No but I would do a parachute jump
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Museli or Crunchy nut clusters
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I'm stronger than I give myself credit for
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Vanilla
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their eyes and how the match the way they talk
15. RED OR PINK? Pink
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My legs and my skin
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST ? My sister
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Light blue jeans and white pointy shoes
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A pasta pot from Asda
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Office noises!
21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Green
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? Bread baking, matches burning, Burberry touch aftershave, Baileys fur
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Julie my boss
24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Darts
25. HAIR COLOR? Blonde
26. EYE COLOR? Green
27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes, I'm blind without
28. FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza, cheese, sausages and garlic bread
29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings I don't watch scary films
30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Layer Cake last week
31. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Green and white jumper
32. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
33. HUGS OR KISSES? Cuddles!
34. FAVORITE DESSERT? My mums lemon flan
35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? None actually (I know thats bad)
36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A computer keyboard
37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T. V. LAST NIGHT? CSI and the end of a film
38. FAVORITE SOUND? Music
39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Neither!
40. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? South Africa
41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I can stand on my head for ages!
42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Leicester

Hair!

Seriously stressed out about whats happening with my hair for the wedding. I just know there isn't going to be enough time for Sh to do mine, P's and E's hair. Also this other girl is suposed to be doing S&C's but not curling it and if they are only having it straightened then I don't see the point in paying for it to be done. J has been in today to try to sort it out but Sh is off til tomorrow so now I have to wait til she can go in tomorrow to speak to her. I think I'm just going to say that I can't afford to pay for everyone to have their hair done and that everyone has to sort it out themselves. I feel so stressed out and worried about it I can't stop thinking about it and I can't sleep at night for worrying. Everything else is almost sorted now but this. I know S has time to do mine and she will have to do E's because I have booked her to do something so really I should stop worrying but I can't. I know J will do her best to sort it out for me tomorrow and she is going to ring me and let me know when she's there so we can try and sort it out...........Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh why am I so neurotic???!!! Jxx

Weekend Review

It was ok. Not as good as I had hoped. It started off well on Friday night we went for the meal at the Fenwick Arms with F&A. Was expensive but very tasty and extremely filling! I had pork with apple sauce and stuffing and 2 glasses of wine. We all had a good laugh together and didn't get in til about 10:30 so just went to bed after that.

Saturday started well. I had my driving lesson at 10 which was really good for a change. I did a parallel park for the first time and I did it fine. I still can't reverse round a corner but oh well! Then we went into Lancaster to get a cd and a new shirt for S. Went to the hairdressers at 2 and had to sit about for abit as it was really busy in there but she cut S's mop and did my hair lovely as usual so it was ok. Then it started to go downhill. We got home and tool the dog out for an hour to try to tire him out before my sister came. We only just got back when she arrived. The dog started going bonkers barking at her I don't know why. S was rushing around like a loony cos he had to be at the bowling for 7 so I was trying to help him and keep the dog quiet. S's mum turned up at 7:10 when we didn't need to leave until 7:40 so I was nowhere near ready. I was trying to drink a glass of wine, straighten my sisters hair and get ready at the same time. I felt so rushed and I couldn't get my make up right and felt a mess. We left and got to Marcos for 8 and that was a fiasco. I had originally booked the spaghetti house but they messed up our booking and changed the time so I had to cancel it and book Marcos instead. J had said that the service wasn't very good there and she was right. They got our drinks wrong, mixed up an order and took 45 minutes to bring the deserts. P moaned the whole time and we had a polish waitress who couldn't understand anything we said! We didn't get out of the restaurant til 10. I was not in the best of moods by now. We went to bottom Wetherspoons for a drink but it was heaving so we went to the Litten Tree. I just couldn't get into it at all. P had decided to stay out even though she had a face on her and couldnt afford it so it was awkward because there was me, E, F and EG all dressed up as sailors and then P sulking. She only stayed out because she thought she could wait til half ten then entice D home with sexual favours (making him leave his own brothers stag do at 10:30!) But D was way way too wasted to want to go home so she ended up going home in a huff. Things got a bit better in Walkabout as the music was better and we were having a laugh. We went to Hustle after that which was ok although I couldn't drink anymore for some reason even though I'd only had 4 glasses of wine (over a few hours) and wasn't remotely pissed. We also had to keep avoiding S and the lads as they were going to all the places we were! We ended up going to liquid which was utter shite I wish we'd never bothered. F and A went home cos it was about midnight. They wouldn't let D in cos he was too drunk so S, D and Dv had to go to toast. EG went to meet her boyfriend in the lounge so E and I went home for half 1. Oh and it was raining. S stumbled in about 3 having lost his house key.

Parts of the night was a good laugh but Lancaster is honestly so rubbish, I missed S loads and just couldn't get into it at all. I couldn't get drunk and I just felt sad and ugly. It was a good laugh dressing up but next to my sister I just felt stupid. She has taken loads of photos and I look horrible on the all whilst she looks like a model. It doesn't matter what I do and how much weight I loose I still don't look how I want to.

Sunday I was up at 8 cos I felt fine in myself apart from starting with a cold/sore throat and feeling depressed about everything. E and I went into Morecmabe and went to Wetherspoons for lunch which was really nice. We had abit of a chat but I still find her hard to get on with. I feel like I always rub her up the wrong way and she always gets cross with me. I feel like I can't be myself I'm always trying to impress her and keep her happy. It never used to be like that. I don't know what I can do though. It makes me sad. I paid for both her meals and she didn't really seem grateful. I don't know what I was expecting though. She left in the afternoon and S and I just monged about the house as I was feeling crap with my cold and he was feeling hung over.

All in all the weekend started off great and just went downhill. I now have a full blown cold, I am so stressed/nervous about the wedding I can't sleep properly at night. I think I am going to be in a total rush to get ready as I have to leave at half 11 and I'm only having my hair done at 9. I don't want to be rushing and stressed like I was on saturday night. I don't want to be responsible for S&C, I have enough to do with myself. I want G to sort them out but as she has been NO HELP WHATSO EVER so far I can't see her doing this. I think I'm going to take their dresses round on saturday and say they are to get ready at home and get to the hairdressers themselves and then M can just bring them when he comes to pick my sister and P up. I want to be calm and happy before my wedding not rushing and upset. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I really feel like I don't even want to do it anymore I am so sick of the stress and worry and if I don't deal with it NO ONE WILL ;-(

I bought my first pair of size 8 trousers from Asda yesterday. They are black cropped jeans and were only £8. They are very tight and I still need to loose abit more weight but I can get into them. My other jeans seem to be abit loose these days even though I don't think I look any thinner. My legs are still massive I don't think I'm ever going to change them and I still have fat around my waist. I do like these jeans though I want to wear them at the weekend. Got EG's surprise 21st on Friday which should be ok even though its abit of a pain as its at the dollys blues club which I hate and means either S has to drive or we have to pay for taxis. Got to sort out final stuff for the wedding on saturday as well and my driving lesson is back at half 1 which is crap as it takes up the whole day. God I feel so pissed off at the moment. Jxx

Big girls don't cry

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this is nothing to do with you
It's personal, Me myself & I -
We've got some straightening out to do
& I'm going to miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
& big girls don't cry

Preparations

Well last night I went on the sunbeds, moisturised, fake tanned my legs and face, removed all my toe nail polish, filed my nails and re-painted them bronze! All in preparation for the weekend! Its a lot of work being female at times! I have got false nails to put on on Friday night and I'm having my hair done on saturday afternoon (at last!) So I will hopefully look beautiful on saturday night!

On a good note my skin is improving thank god, partly due to the ton of spot cream/fake tan I have been using. I always get a tonne of spots the week before my period and they're always really horrible ones that you can't do anything with, you just have to wait for them to go and look horrible for a few days!

On a bad note I am really annoyed with L and G at the moment. L is now not coming for my hen do meal even though I asked her on sunday if she was definitely coming and she said she was, then she sent me a stupid message on monday saying she couldn't get there/back etc so I didn't reply. She text me last night about CSI and I didn't reply again cos I was still annoyed. She has sent me a one line email today asking if I got her texts. I've replied telling her I'm abit fed up but haven't had a reply as of yet. Its not that she's not coming, its the way she told me and the way she's been with me lately. I am stressed about a lot of things at the moment and I feel like she doesn't even care about me as a friend. I was talking to J today about it and I've realised I've spent all my life just letting things go when people have upset me etc in order to not rock the boat but its just left me feeling bitter/resentful inside. I am sick of hurting inside over L, P, G etc and not saying anything about it when they don't even know/care. It has not done me any good and it just lets them think this behaviour is ok. I know I can't go off at the deep end all the time and kicking up a fuss for no reason but I think I need to start being more assertive but in a nice way, like if someone upsets me I need to say that they've upset me and why instead of just bottling it up and stewing. G is now coming to the hen do but only cos M thought she was (even though she'd not told me) and she can only come cos L has dropped out oh and she wants J to give her a lift! The cheek of some people! I hope its going to be ok, I really don't want there to be an atmosphere. If P is a pain J said she is going to kick her under the table haha.

I have bought a new white skirt from asda to wear, I really like it it looks better on than it did on the hanger and its a size 10 which is almost too big for me! I am definitely thinner than I was I am so pleased. I don't even feel that hungry any more its weird. I am certain now that the drugs were a lot to do with it as I never used to eat much when I was in school and I was at my thinnest but ever since then I used to be hungry all the time. Now I'm as thin as I was when I was 18 (or near enough) which is the size I should be. I still have fat legs though and I don't kow what I can do about that. Its funny I don't think I look any thinner but my clothes are all looser so I supose I must be! Jxx

Upset and fed up (PMT)

God I hate it. I feel so rubbish today, I know its just PMT but it doesn't make me feel any better. I feel fat, my skin has errupted as per usual and I feel down and stressed out.
I'm sick of people asking me about the wedding. No everything is not sorted out, no I don't want to talk about it and at the moment I wish it was over! Everything is just one big hassle.
I still haven't got enough to do at work, I'm not looking forward to going to asda tonight as anything is liable to set me off and I'll end up in tears.
I've wasted £20 of my premium bond money going to Lancaster on Saturday night to SUPOSEDLY meet SL and DK but oh no neither of them bothered to come out so it was a big fat waste of money.
D&P are being dickheads saying they can't come on the stag/hen do's cos they've got no money. D is the best man for fucks sake he's suposed to have organized the whole thing. J is having to pay for them so they can come out. I'm sick of P's attitude always being arsey with me, its her own fault she's got no job and no money. I don't even want her to come any more. I feel so sorry for S he deserves better than this from D.
I'm worried I'm going to look stupid on my hen do as we're dressing up as sailors but apparantly I haven't got a hat cos they've got me something else to wear...I just feel so stressed and horrible about it I just want to have a good night and not let P or anyone/thing spoil it.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Jxx

Guess What!

I've just won £50 on the premium bonds! My mum has just rung me to tell me cos she's won 3 lots of £50 and I had an envelope exactly the same and I've won too! I've only got a ten pound bond and I've never won before! Its amazing how things like that make your day ;-) Also our new sofas are here and they are massive! They take some getting used to but they are so comfy and I really like them. They make the room look like a proper lounge and are the first proper sofas I've ever had. Really like them and hopefully will last us a long time.

Also I weighed myself at S's mum and dads on Sunday and I am just under 9 stone! I cannot remember when I was this light! Although I still don't think I look noticably thinner. I still don't like my stomach still and my legs are awful but atleast I know the diets working so I will continue until I'm happy with myself! I know I always said I just wanted to be 9.5 stone but even now I'm less than that I still don't look any different! I'm definitely finding it easier to stick to though I feel motivated because its working ;-)

Weather is horrible, grey, rainy and cold. Atleast I've got abit to do today I had nothing to do here yesterday I had litterally done all my work in an hour so I had to sit here and look busy for 7 hours. I was so so bored. Talked to CF quite abit though which atleast brightened up my afternoon. We get on really well now and we have some interesting conversations! Jxx

Stressed out

Spoke to my mum last night and she has stressed me out abit. I told her I needed to pay for my next lot of driving lessons and she was like are you expecting us to pay? I thought that was the whole agreement? I didn't have a birthday/xmas present so I could learn to drive instead, 6 lessons were hardly going to get me very far. I felt like she was making me out to be cheeky for asking but I really thought they were paying until I passed. They've agreed to pay for another 6 lessons and then we'll have to pay for anymore after that (cos I will definitely need more) I just feel like in one breath she's paying for E to go on holiday with her and paid for 8 months of her having lessons but then they only wanted to pay for me to have a few. I know its because I'm grown up and I have a job and a mortgage etc but we don't have any money. We only have £50 a week to spend between us and I can't use £40 of it to pay for driving lessons. She made me worry about money again and how we're going to manage in the future. This whole driving thing is driving me (haha) mad. I don't like it, its expensive, I have no idea how we're going to sell our car. Its going to be more expensive to insure me on a van than we thought.

I feel so sick of it all. I'm sick of the wedding and S's family's attitude. I'm sick of thinking about money. How do other people manage? We don't earn bad money, we don't use credit cards, we don't have loans, I don't understand it. I feel really miserable today. The weather has gone funny as well, it threw it down last night and there was thunder and lightening, now its warm but overcast and grey. Just great. Jxx

Hot!

The weathers gone hot! Finally! Was sunny most of last week and then got hotter for the weekend. Yesterday was boiling, it was brilliant. The kind of weather we should be having!

Weekend was ok on the whole, the best thing about it was the weather. Friday night I stupidly drank a fair bit of wine (again) and cooked some wedges (again) burning myself on the oven. I think I get so fed up through the week that by the time it gets to Friday I just want to get really drunk but it ends up being pointless as we don't do anything and then I eat too much and go to bed. We were suposed to be going to D&P's for a bbq (to try to build relations abit etc) but they changed it to Saturday as J&V (their new best friends) couldn't come so we didn't end up doing anything which was abit crap.

Saturday we went into Morecmabe and paid the photographer and got the cameras for the wedding. I got some new slip on white shoes which were cheap but very comfy and better than flip flops as I don't have to inflict my toes on anyone! We also got S some shorts from JJB as they were on sale. We were going to see M&G but they had gone away again so we couldn't do that. I've spoken to G and she is still very random/off with me. I don't even know why we haven't really seen them since new year and nothing has happened to make her be funny with me. I had invited her and B etc to my hen do but none of them want to come (although they didn't say that directly) so I have given up again. I'm sick of the atmosphere but I don't honestly know what to do/say to change it so....I had my driving lesson at 1:30 which is a better time but I still end up sitting around waiting for it and getting nervous. Plus he was 30 minutes late due to the traffic so I was standing on the end of the street like a lemon and getting some funny looks. My lesson was rubbish, the worst one I've had. I really hoped I'd be getting it abit more by now but I don't feel like I've improved since my second week. We did reversing round a corner which I can't do, I can't get close enough to the kerb. I really don't like reversing. I'm pretty much guaranteed to get this on my test though so I have to be able to do it. I also cannot get out of the end of our road without stalling it. It makes me so cross it takes me about 15 minutes to get back into the swing of driving again. I really want to get better at this but I'm begining to hate it again...

Saturday night we had L&M's wedding party. It was ok, it didn't start til 8, there was a buffet by that didn't happen til 9 and they were supposed to be doing speaches and stuff but we left at 10:15 as it was dark and we wanted to get back. I don't know why I worried about what I was wearing L was wearing jeans! She is really big - much bigger than F is and she's 2 months ahead of her! L went on about how she's putting in for her driving test in a month so clearly she's going to be driving before me. I don't know why I care, does it really matter when I pass as long as I pass? I just find it annoying. I've booked my theory for the week after the wedding so I should be ready by then, then I can focus on my practical stuff.

Sunday we went to Glasson Dock for a cold sunday dinner/lunch etc and sat outside at J&B's which was nice. We also took Bailey for a big walk around the dock which he enjoyed even though it was boiling. We had a good day actually, Bailey was really well behaved and J&B were fine. When I'm in the mood to see them I don't mind them at all its just sometimes I can't be bothered and they get on my nerves but we had a good day yesterday and it gave us something to do instead of moping about like usual on a sunday. Plus it is much nicer to sit in their garden as its so quiet! I sat outside when we came home for abit too, trying to get brown!

Our sofas are coming tomorrow! I'm really pleased I can't wait to get rid of the old horrible ones. J is coming to wait at our house all day for them which is ok(ish) I just don't want Bailey in the house so she'll have to sit outside with him on his chain as she can't control him. I would rather B have come but I guess I can't be too picky. Not much other news really, got asda tonight then I'll be sitting outside hopefully! Jxx

RIP Minky

Our baby Minky died yesterday. We found him asleep in his bed when we got home. We washed him and dried him and S made a little box for him to be buried in. He was nearly three so he'd had a good life for a hamster but it was still really sad even though we had been kind of expecting it. He was the best tempered pet anyone could have asked for, he was so sweet and gentle. We love you Mr Mink, sleep tight. Jxx

Things I need to sort out at the moment:

The Wedding - obviously the major one! Most stuff is done to be fair just little things like confirming/paying people left now. Going to get abit done on Saturday and then we should be almost there. Need to speak to my sister and S's family about the hen/stag do's asap!

Driving - need to finish revising my theory then do my test. Keep learning obviously and aim to pass asap! After the wedding we are going to try to sell the car so we can get a van which I will be able to get insured on so I can practice with S.

Cross stitch - I need to finish the cross stitch for S's mum and J's both before October. Sounds ages away but J's is massive and I don't want to have two going at once so I need to finish JH's then I can start on JF's! I do enjoy it and it gives me something to do in the evenings but I've been revising my theory at the moment so I want to get that out the way first.

Loosing weight - I am trying very hard with the diet at the moment as I ate/eat too much at the weekend(s) especially if I have a drink as well. I have stopped buying all the things that tempt me (sausages, cheese, dip...) but it is still harder than when I'm at work and I have my routine. I tried my denim skirts on last night and they almost fit perfectly so I know its working. My legs are still too fat though. I know they have always been fat even when I was 18 and a size 8-10 but then Emma used to be the same build as me and now her legs are stick thin (too thin but you know what I mean) I seem to be loosing the weight from my waist which is good so when thats all gone then surely I'll loose it from my legs? I hope. Maybe I will never have thin legs (certainly not genetically!) but I just feel that anything is possible with dieting? I know that giving up drugs has helped me with my hunger. Although I still get hungry obviously it is nothing like I used to and is much more bearable. I am almost getting a kick out of getting thinner although the weight isn't exactly dropping off I know it has/is making a difference which is great. Jxx

Team Security

Sunshine at last!

Finally the weather has improved! We actually have sunshine! Its got warmer as well which is so nice - this is how the weather should be. I feel so much happier when the sun is shining.

Weekend was ok, abit crap really. Went for a gorgeous meal on Friday night with F&A at Frankie & Benny's. It was abit expensive and the drinks were extortionate but the food was delicious and we all had a good laugh. Saturday We went into Lancaster to get some new camera batteries for the digital camera at last. We also bought Bailey a dog t-shirt! Its black and has security on the back of it! It was expensive but so cool! It really suits him. Sat in the garden until my driving lesson at 4. Driving was ok, I managed to only stall it once but my clutch control still needs work and so do my roundabouts! My instructor said I could pass by August though! I was in shock I never thought it would be that soon, if I could that would be brilliant but I don't want to get my hopes up too much. I still find it nerve wracking but I'm even more determined now! Saturday night I wanted to do something but we didn't know what and although we were having some drinks at home by the time we had watched CSI it was too late to do anything. I was disapointed (again) but we didn't really have enough money to go anywhere so I supose it was for the best even though I was bored again.

Sunday was S's birthday so he opened his cards and we sat outside until we went for a meal at 2 to Greaves Park. The meal was ok, I was abit disapointed with mine and wished I'd ordered something else but the one thing I wanted they didn't have! Greaves Park has been done up and has a new menu but the staff are still as slow as ever! It is really nice inside now but the menu is only ok and more expensive than it was. We had quite a good laugh though especially at some of the things D and his dad were saying. P was a pain I don't know why she comes places if she's just going to moan and spoil it. We had to give them a lift there, she moaned cos she couldn't smoke inside, moaned cos she didn't like anything on the menu, moaned about her food when it came. But as soon as we were taking them home and she got on the phone to her new best friend she was super happy and cheerful. I feel like telling her to fuck off. She thinks she knows everything and has to always have her say. I hate the way she makes me feel, like she's always disagreeing with me but I have to be pleasant with her instead of telling her how I feel. We need to make an effort with them in the next few weeks though as I'm not having her spoil my wedding by being a miserbale cow. She was suposed to be starting a new job this week but hasn't, she obviously likes sitting on her arse too much, complaining!!!

I really can't be doing with any of S's family at the moment but I do not want there to be an atmosphere at the wedding so this weekend we're going to have to go and see them all and be super cheerful and friendly and get back on better terms with them. It bugs me cos none of them are making the slightest bit of effort but never mind. It's amazing how great my family have been and how useless his have been. Not what I expected at all. Hmmmm. Jxx