Feeling crap

Having a really crap week so far. I don't know why everything seems to be getting to me. Can't be arsed with work but I've got a lot to do, can't be arsed going out in Liverpool - i can't wear jeans now so god knows what I'm going to wear, I don't even know why E suggested it as it doesn't really sound like she wants to see me. Dog training was horrible on Monday, the woman I don't like shouted at Bailey and us cos he wouldn't come back to us. I really feel like she doesn't like us/him. She makes me feel small and stupid. He is such a loveable dog and it makes me mad that she isn't nice to him. We are trying to help him by going to dog training for Gods sake. It doesn't help that she thinks the sun shines out of J and Max either. My teeth/gums are so sore cos of my stupid wisdom teeth, I have a huge spot on my chin thats bleading and weeping and hurts. It's only wednesday and I just don't want to be hear. I feel ugly and horrible ;-( Jxx

Monday again

Can't believe its monday again already I don't know where the weekends go. I don't think I'm sleeping so well these days as our bed is rather crowded with S and Bailey and I seem to be waking up in the night alot.

Weekend was ok. We went to see F&A's new house on Friday. I couldn't really be bothered but actually when we got there I was really glad we'd gone. Their house has loads of potential - its a 3 bed terrace but is alot bigger than it looks. It'll take them a while but once it's done it'll be great and they can live there for years or so if they want. Was nice to see them both and we had a chat for a couple of hours. It's weird how we went through a stage of hardly speaking but since the house and the baby we have got tonnes closer again. I can honnestly say I'm really pleased for them and I'm excited about the baby. It's odd though because at the moment I'm annoyed with L as I have seen her twice since December. Fair enough I could have made more of an effort and I know she's busy with moving and stuff it just really annoyed me that she only emailed me the other day as she wants S to do their laminate floor! I also can't help but feel annoyed that she's bragging about their wedding (just because it's before ours) and their new house (they haven't done anything to get it its a council house for gods sake!) I don't know why I can't be happy for her but at the moment it just pisses me off!

So that was Friday. Sat we got up and wen into Lancaster to the Litten Tree for some (expensive) lunch. Called in at M&G's on the way home for a brew and a brief chat. Sat afternoon I slept while S did some more work on the shed. Sat night we went to the Dukes for some drinks. S was going to text CD from work as we were going to go up to the Old hall which is normally where he drinks but then it turned out they were in the Dukes as well (him and his girlfriend) so we ended up sitting with them and had a game of pool (I tried I am terrible I can't even hit the ball!) It was novel to see someone we knew and was nice to have someone else to talk to for a change. Came home at half 12 (the pubs open til half 1 randomly!) Ordered a takeaway but had to pay with pennies as we'd spent all our money! Was a good night. Didn't even feel too bad in the morning just dehydrated. I stuck to vodka and orange which seems to suit me as I was pissed but not ill/sick. Sunday we tidied up the backyard and did some tip runs. S went and looked at this job he is doing with D, then we watched tv and went to bed. I hate sundays I find them really depressing. I had hoped I'd stop feeling like that now we have stopped getting wrecked and although I feel much much better I still feel sad and fed up on sundays.

Other news: S is spending the whole weekend starting this job with D so I am going to Wales/Liverpool for the weekend. I'm glad I'm going in a way as I will get to spend time with the family and I'd only be bored all weekend if I was here but the other part of me feels sad to leave S and Bailey and I know I'll miss them at night. Plus when I get back it will be back to work again ;-( and the weekend will be gone. I know I'll only be fed up here so I supose its best I go. Going to Liverpool on sat after E finishes work and then going for tea then out. Part of me is really nervous as I haven't been clubbing/out properly since I've only been drinking (apart from my birthday which was a disaster) so I don't really know how its going to go. I'm glad that I get to see E but I just don't feel like going out. We will see though. Not much other news dog training again tonight - can't really be bothered as usual but J is giving me a lift so I can't complain. Also S has changed the radiator in the lounge to the new one we bought and it's so much better/warmer. It really makes a difference so it's worth the money. Jxx

Grateful?

Feeling abit pensive/sad today. J&D's cat had some kind of brain/heart attack last night and died for no reason. He was only 4 years old and seemed perfectly healthy. It makes you realise how we should be grateful for the time we have and the lives we have as you never know when things will be taken away.

Not much news really. We got up early and went to get the sheets from Manchester on Sat for the shed. We couldn't stay as Js had to work all weekend but we will probably go and stay in a few weeks instead,. S dropped me off in town on the way home and I spent my birthday money (got some jeans and some tops in internationale and some underwear in new look) I was only in town bout 30 mins though as it was absolutely heaving and I couldn't be bothered. Got S to pick me up then we went to Wickes to get some fencing/posts etc for the backyard. The rest of the day S worked on the shed and I slept as I was bored/tired. In the evening we called at M&G's so S could fix their neighbours sink and by the time we got home it was 8 ish. We ended up staying in just watching tv and having a drink but we went to bed at 11 because we had an argument as I was so bored but it was too late to go anywhere/do anything. Sunday S worked some more on the shed/fence and we went to Greaves Park for lunch which was ok. That was all the weekend - quite boring really.

Went to dog training last night, J took me though which was good as we would have never made it in time if I had waited for S. It was ok. There were only 7 of us all together which was tonnes better than previous weeks. Bailey is definitely getting better although he still has his mad moments. It was so funny on sunday night he went upstairs, let himself into the bedroom got on the bed and went to sleep. He is one clever dog!

Been having to spend a fortune recently on stuff for the shed/fence, a new tire for the car, a new radiator for the front room etc. S had gone to DA's (from work) last thurs to help him fit a work top and he'd given him £50 which was useful but then yesterday he came in and told him that it wasn't right and that he wanted the money back! Bit cross about it really as he wouldn't give him a chance to put it right but I can't be doing with the hassle so we will just have to give it back. He has a job to do with D fitting some floor and a kitchen etc and F&A and L&M want him to do some stuff for them. It's all very well people wanting him to do stuff and yes the money would be useful but everytime something goes wrong (look at St's decking) and it just isn't worth it. Plus I'm sick of not seeing him/being able to do things with him at the weekend. And we have tonnes to do on our own house! Jxx

Been poorly ;-(

Well I'm 23 now! Birthday was abit of a mixed bag really. Friday we went for the meal with F&A which was really nice although rather expensive! Saturday S and I went to the factory shop to get me some new trainers with the money J gave me for my birthday, and had lunch in the cafe there. We then went home and watched Shrek whilst getting ready to go into town. Town was a big fat waste of time! The only good thing about it was that MD drove us there and back because he wasn't drinking. I don't think it would have been good even if I had been wrecked (like D&P) M&L only came out for a little bit because M had had to drive, F&A didn't come out as she wasn't feeling so well. We met St by accident which was ok but Lancaster is such a load of rubbish, I had a better night in Morecambe the other week! We only went to Walkabout, Varsity and then the Lounge. I had drunk too much and wanted to go home (so did everyone else I think) so we did at about 11:30. I fell out of MD's car and cut my knee open. I was sick when I got in but managed to go to sleep. Then the next day (my birthday) I felt dreadful. Thought it was just down to drinking too much but then I continued being sick all day. Everything I drank/ate I threw up (even water) The family arrived at 2 but I had to keep running off to be sick so in the end S had to take them and Bailey out for a walk for an hour while I tried to sleep it off. Fortunately S and Bailey were brilliant which was a great help as I was in no state to be sociable! I managed to got to sleep and then woke up at 5and felt abit better so we managed to go for the meal at the globe as planned which was nice but I could hardly eat anything. Still felt rubbish yesterday so I definitely think I had a bug, was nearly sick in work but managed to struggle on and went to bed as soon as I got in last night. Feel alot better today just very tired.

All in all my birthday was abit random/disapointing. I'm annoyed I drank too much (really need to practice those limits!) but I think it was partly due to me drinking wine (stupid girl) and partly due to being pissed off with how the night was going. But I think I would have been ill anyway. Got some lovely cards and lots of money to spend, lovely flowers (two lots!) and a cake, so I'm really happy with all that. I supose birthday are never as good as you got older! We are going for a meal tonight with S's family at the dukes so hopefully that will be okay. We're meant to be going to Manchester at the weekend to see Js and I also want to spend my birthday money! Good news on the money front is that M&D are paying for the wedding reception so we do not need as much money for the wedding as we though. So now we can buy really exciting things like a new radiator and a fence etc. Hmmm! Oh well I'm grateful really ;- ) Jxx

Fed up again

I'm so so bored and fed up at the moment. This week is going so slowly its unbelieveable. I don't even know why I'm looking foward to the weekend as every time I look forward to something I build it up and then it turns out to be a dissapointment. I am just going mental here I do not want to be here I am sick of my life not going anyway and having nothing to look forward to. I don't know why I feel like that as I have loads to look forward to but I just feel so frustrated right now.

I am so sick of being at work. It has been doing my head in for the past 2 weeks. J's son C is now working here putting stuff on the net to sell which means there are now 3 of us in this small office and the atmosphere is just not the same any more. J and I always used to have really good indepth conversations but now I just don't feel I can really talk about anything. I just sit here getting on with my work in silence and quietly fuming. Also she has got a puppy (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) which comes to work every day and sits in the corner of the office and it absolutely does my head in. To be fair its pretty well behaved but it still squeaks and makes noises and I'm sick of the world and his wife being brought in to admire it. For gods sake its just a dog and a scraggly one at that (even if it is a pedigree) Everyone is cooing over it like its a miracle and it isn't. If I hear one more person say how adorable he is and isn't it amazing that he can sit down (sometimes) when told, I'm going to kill them. It's not amazing for gods sake Bailey's been sitting down for weeks, He also does down, stay, come, fetch, paw (although all only when he wants to!) I don't know why its getting to me so much but I am just sick of it! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Jxx

A new life style?

Had our first weekend of being like "normal" (non drug taking) people and it was......ok! Friday night we walked the dog straight from work then I cooked tagliatelle for tea which we ate late so that took up the early part for the evening. Watched NCIS and Law and order then went to bed. Sat got up and went into town to get a present for Sp's birthday met F&A in the tree for lunch and some drinks which was nice. Haven't been to the tree for a while (cos S always moans) but the food was really cheap and you get loads. Dropped the present off on the way home although Sp wasn't there so left it with L. Took the dog for a walk when we got back and then had a few drinks whilst watching tv. Sat night we went to the Dukes which would have been ok but there was a wedding reception on there! (Mad considering it was just in the pub as they have no function room cos its so small!) We had 2 in there but really felt like we were intruding so we ended up getting a taxi into Morecambe. Went to this bar called Coast which would have been ok but it was totally dead as it was still quite early on (about 10ish) had 2 drinks in there then decided we'd go home before the taxis went up at 12. Got a takeaway (the nicest pizza I've had for ages) and got home about half 11. Was a really good night to be honest and me and S had a proper laugh we really got on well tonnes better than we have been wrecked etc. I know it won't be like that all the time but we tried to make it positive and be in a good mood about it and it worked! I was pretty drunk but in a good way. I had 2 double vodkas at home, 2 glasses of wine at the dukes (but I spilt one) and a reef at coast and that was enough. Plus, on Sunday morning we woke up fairly early, I had a little bit of a headache but I took some pain killers and I was fine! No staying in bed all day feeling crap, I slept ok last night as well and I feel fine today. Which is great. So hopefully this is the start of things from now on.

No other news really. Builders are coming tomorrow to rebuild the backyard wall but they are only building a wall and not putting the fence posts in so I don't know how its going to turn out. The dog has chewed through the washing machine hose and ripped up the kitchen lino which we aren't too pleased about so S is really trying to get on with this shed so we can get him outside. He's off Thurs and Fri this week (lucky him) so he can hopefully get it finished then. My birthday weekend this weekend so we are going to ASK friday with F&A. Then town sat with a few people hopefully, then the family are coming down on Sun and we are going to the globe. Am really looking forward to it all actually ;-) Work is doing my head in but I'm trying not to let it drag me down. I've got so much done in the past few days as I've been really annoyed and not really talking to anyone which is making me very productive! Haha. Jxx