Long time no write!

Been really busy recently especially at work. Lots of random little jobs to do and the end of the month is always busy anyway with bills, accounts etc. Going to Liverpool this Saturday to see E which I'm really looking forward to although I won't be there for very long as she is working til 6 on Sat and then has to be back again for 11 on sun! Oh well we are going out for tea and then on a night out which should be great. I am really looking forward to seeing her I hope we get on ok though as I spoke to her last night and she sounded abit abrupt although she has been stressed with dancing exams and stuff so its probably that.

We aren't doing anything else at the weekend as we are so so skint. Somehow we have spent more money than we should have as loads of little unexpected things have needed paying for - baileys vet bill/micro chip, L's birthday, extra petrol....Also Bailey chewed a shawl that P had left at our house (god knows why) and apparantly ripped an unmendable hole in it. We asked her how much it had been and they were really funny about it saying it was £8 in the sale but you couldn't get them for that now. I've ended up giving them £20 which I begrudge as I think it is unfair. Ok the dog shouldn't have chewed it but she shouldn't have left it here (it had been there for weeks) and I would never have asked for more money than I paid for it. I just know she is going to use the money for something other than a new shawl! Bit pissed off with P at the moment but we haven't seen her sinceas she is suposedly ill so D has been taking me home.

Last weekend was good. We went to pizza hut on Fri as planned. Good job we booked cos it was packed! Meal was ok not as good as it had looked on the advert but still nice. We weren't going to do anything for the rest of that night but we eventually got blagged to go to S&H's house as thats where D&P were. I was glad we went as we had a really good night, they are such a laugh and it was nice to be with a bigger group of people for a change. Sat we didn't do much as the weather was bad again and we were skint as per usual. Sat night L and O ended up coming round and staying. Had another good night just messing about on the decks and chatting and stuff. O is really funny and we hadn't seen him for ages! Sun my mum and dad came down and we went and looked round the Elms. D was in a grumpy mood in general but I think they thought it was ok! Discussed more wedding plans (some parts abit tense but mainly all ok) and we had tea at The Globe which I really enjoyed. It seemed nicer than the first time we went for some reason!

That's been it really got lots coming up in the next few weeks so having to be really careful with money. The dog is improving (I think) he still has psycho moments but generally I think we are understanding him better ( I hope anyway) He has had his final jabs so we can walk him from next week so we can tire him out! I still don't like him sometimes but other times like last night when he is asleep curled up next to us he seems so sweet and loving. Only time will tell though and at the moment he is 80% naughty 20% good! He is 100% cute though....Jxx

Panicking a little

Am gettin quite stressed and panicky about xmas and the wedding. Everything is coming round too quickly and I have tonnes to do and not enough money to do it with ;-( Also had a rubbish day at work yesterday due to 2 rude customers who upset me and I was on my own as J&D had gone to see about a solar job in Yorkshire. Also when D goes to do this solar job he is taking S with him and it will be an overnight stay so I'll be stuck on my own at home with the psycho puppy. And I hate staying in the house on my own ;-(

Weekend news: Was ok. Went for tea with F on Friday at Wetherspoons which was fine. Cleared the air and sorted out a plan to see each other twice a month or so even just for a few hours. But we are going to go out and do something rather than them come to the house. I feel so much better now we are ok again and understand each other. S picked me up from Skerton about 7 and then we picked L up and went back to ours. Had some drinks and messed about on the decks. I was good for once! L stayed. Next day didn't get up til lunch time cos I didn't see the point. S was annoying me and the house was a mess, plus it was raining so there wasn't any point doing anything. Took L home and got Bailey to play with Rocky for abit to try and wear him out. Went home again and had a sleep. Sat night L and two of his mates came round and we went on the decks again etc. It was a good laugh and his mates were very nice and respectful. Although somehow the house always ends up a mess when ever we have people over and I hate it in the morning I just want every one to have disappeared in the night! S whinged at me til I got up again, then we dropped the lads off and went to Glasson Dock for Sunday dinner which was lovely. Went home and watched Pirates of the Carribean 2 in bed. It was ok, abit long and confusing. Plus as its the middle of the trilogy it doesn't really tell a story it just gets you to the point for the final part! I was tired so I slept most of the evening and that was the weekend! Pretty boring but yes we still spent loads of money on beer/petrol/food and stuff ;-( I don't know how we do it. Its so depressing.

This weekend we are going for a meal at Pizza hut on Friday as we have been wanting to go for ages but keep not getting round to it cos we have no money so we ARE going this week! Don't know what else we are doing. We should see D&P as we didn't see them this week, also my mum and dad are meant to be coming down at some point soon as there are ONLY 4 more weekends before xmas! The weekend after next I'm suposed to be going to meet E in Liverpool for a day/night, then there are only 2 weekends left then its the weekend before xmas. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm so unorganized I have no idea what anybody wants. We need to start shopping asap. Stressed.

The dog is still doing my head in. He is besotted with S and follows him every where and cries when he leaves the room. It makes him very anxious (Bailey not S) and is impractical. S still spoils him by fussing him all the time and giving in to him when he cries so as a result he barks until he gets his own way which is very annoying and stressful. I do not know whether I will ever really love him that much ;-( He is very cute but he is not very rewarding and I feel if he went I would not miss him. I was so niave about what having a dog/puppy entailled although S seems to have bonded/cope with him better. I know he can't help his personality but he is so boisterous and noisy and not very loving. I had hoped he would be a part of the family rather than an annoyance to have to deal with/moan at. I don't know. I hope it gets better but he is nearly 10 weeks now and still so naughty. He goes to bed at night fine but he cries in the morning for attention and is not house trained in the slightest. Infact he is worse than when we got him as atleast he would cry to be let out. Now he doesn't care. We are suposed to be having the stairs carpet down but until he stops going to the toilet on it we can't. When I think about the love I feel for Minky and how sweet and loving he is (and he's a hamster!) I just can't feel the same about Bailey. He either reduces me to tears or anger ;-( We are stuck with him now so...I don't know how I will cope with him alone...Jxx

Seriously fed up and stressed

Am so so pissed off at the moment. Have fallen out with F cos she text me on Sat (I saw her in town on saturday day-I was with L and she was with EG) saying that she felt that we'd lost our "bond". I text her back saying I agreed with her and it was sad but that people just grew apart etc etc. Anyway she obviously didn't like that so she went off on one at me saying I never wanted to do stuff with her and I hadn't been there for her and all this stuff. I tried to explain how my time is really precious to me and often I don't want to do stuff with anyone I just want to spend time with S but that wasn't good enough either. She went on about us seeing D&P and I was like they're family we've seen them every week since I've been with S (almost) plus she sees EG and people from work, you need to have more than one friend! I know I haven't wanted to do a few of the things she's suggested cos I don't want them (or any one for that matter) coming round. I don't want to sit in and watch films. I can't think of anything more boring. If she had wanted to go out for a meal or to go for a drink or something then I would have gone. We said we would definitely go bowling with them which is meant to be on saturday but every time I ask them about that she doesn't reply so its like are we going or not??? I just don't feel we have anything in common anymore we don't like the same programmes, we don't like the same music. We don't even have the same views on life/value any more which I think is the crucial thing. All she talks about when she sees me is the past and I don't care about the past its boring and it was a crap time in my life. I'd rather talk about the present/future but as we have nothing in common we don't have anything to say! I had just accepted that we had drifted apart but was still quite happy to be friends with her but then she was like so we're only friends on a casual basis? Since when do you need to define a friendship! Just because you don't see someone for a few weeks doesn't make them any less of a friend. All the times we were suposed to be going out with them and they went home early (new year, the engagement party, the 21st) plus when I was in town with L the other sat night and she was out with EG and I said I'd meet her for a drink if she liked and she never text me back yet we saw them in town. I don't mind but how can she turn it around and moan at me! She then said did I want to have tea with her in wetherspoons on friday which I said was fine but I am absolutely dreading it cos I know she won't like what I've got to say and then as soon as I've gone she'll send me some message saying I can't believe its come to this or I never thought you'd do this for me. I just know it. I don't want to fall out with her I really don't but I want my weekends with S, or to see D&P or L or M&G etc or my family! I've distanced myself from her over the last year so I almost don't feel anything any more but I really don't want it to go bad I mean she is my oldest friend here ;-( I said to her you never text me back and she said she always did but I text her yesterday and the day before asking about plans for Friday and she hasn't text back! IT JUST PROVES MY POINT. I really don't know how to put it in a nice way that yes I still want to be friends but she never texts me back so we can't keep in contact that way (like me and L or any one else) I'm not ringing her mobile off the house phone, I'm quite happy to go and meet them on a sunday for a meal or a drink but in the next few weeks we have my family coming up, J from Manchester coming up, going to see E, Le's party and xmas! Its a busy time of year. Ahhhh I'm just going over and over it in my head and I know we need to meet and get something sorted but I'm really really dreading it ;-( Plus I've got to tell her that we can't go to Liverpool cos E has got a job working in Smiths in Broughton Park so she's coming home for the weekends so she's not even in Liverpool. But F's just going to think I'm making excuses....I really really don't know what to do/say ;-(

Other news briefly: went to D&P's on friday played games had a good night. Was up in the night with the bloody dog though because he would not settle. Sat went into town to meet L then her and Mk took me back. Watched xfactor and then went to Preston with Ls&Le. What a disaster that was nearly as bad as Maximes. Remind me never to go anywhere with them again. We got there too early, it was absolutely dead (not anyones fault but still killed the night) although the tunes were good. Most of us wanted to leave at 1 but no we had to stay til 3 even though we all got kicked out at 2:15 and had to freeze to death in a phone box until the taxi came at 3. Then they all ended up going back to ours even though I couldn't be bothered with them. Was pretty fed up and then was depressed all sunday as well as having all the shit with F to deal with. The only good part of it was I heard some good tunes and met 2 really nice girls who came with us who I got on with dead well and who like pier so next time we'll go there with them or something! Spent a fortune too ;-(

Feeling so down, can't be doing with work or xmas or any stress. The dog keeps going to the toilet everywhere am so sick of having to clean it up when I get in although S had to clean it up at 7:30 this morning which was still horrible. We just can't cope with him he barks and growls and bites all the time but we don't feel we can get rid of him so I don't know what we can do ;-( Got into bed with S last night at half 10 and it was so nice to just spend some time together without the dog or any other stupid interruptions. We hardly get any time together now without the bloody dog getting in the way. Got tonnes to do so better get on...Jxx

Grrrrrrr

Not a happy bunny this morning. Bailey keeps barking in the mornings when he hears S's alarm go off. He is fine until he hears a noise and then he just wants to play. We have been getting up to him and taking him upstairs but today we just ignored him. He barked for 20 minutes and then finally shut up. There's nothing wrong with him though. S takes him to the toilet and gives him his breakfast & water so we know he's ok he just wants to be fussed. He is alot better at night now thank goodness he seems to realise that he has to get in his bed and go to sleep. Last night he was asleep before we even went upstairs which was good. He is still naughty, well he just wants to play all the time which is understanable but we have been told to let him play by himself at times so he becomes independent and therefore less stressed when we leave him. There are so many conflicting opinions though some people say we should have let him sleep in our bed and not put him in a pen and feed him when he wants and not leave him on his own but then all the "official" and dogbreeder sites I've gone on say that crate/den training is the best thing for dogs and they need to know their position in the house hold which is not as top dog! He is honestly not frightened of anything so he is hard to tell off. He doesn't mind the washing machine, other people, other dogs, fireworks or anything! The only thing he dislikes is being ignored and the rain so when he missbehaves we have to just ignore him. We ignored him for abit last night and he was much calmer and played on his own. You feel so mean though. Why have a dog if you have to ignore it? It also said on tv that we shouldn't cuddle him all the time or stroke his face as it makes him think he's dominant cos thats what they do in the wild? I don't know. I like cuddling Bailey, especially when he is sleepy! I can't even imagine what it would be like to have children all this conflicting information...??? One good thing though it has definitely put me off having children for a few years it's hard enough to go out and arrange things when you have a puppy to consider let alone a baby and two weeks of crying was bad enough let alone months! I want to enjoy a few years being married to S first before we start having children. I feel happy about that and it will give us time to enjoy being Mr and Mrs Hayes ;-)

Speaking of the wedding M&D are telling people! Can't believe it! I'm really really happy it's like they've just accepted everything and are pleased about it. I never thought it would be this ok! Maybe I am jumping the gun abit and I'm sure there will be problems at some point but at the moment I am so so glad that its all out in the open and they are supporting us!

Weekend news: Mixed bag really. Fri we didn't get home til half 6. I walked home again, well as far as Heysham road. It took me an hour which was pretty good to be honest. I walked a different way which was tonnes better although I am not keen on walking in the dark. By the time we got in and went to pay Ls and got some tea it was 7:30. We didn't end up doing anything except drink too much argue and go to bed as we had no one to do anything with (D&P were at A&J's and M&G etc had gone away in the carravan) M didn't give us the money he owed us for the stereo so we couldn't do anything anyway. Sat I got up at half 4 cos the dog was crying (he'd heard me get up to get a drink) so sat with him for an hour. Got up again at 7:30 (haha I wake up so early if I don't get wrecked!) and went to Glasson Dock to get S's old alloy wheels to weigh in for scrap to get some money (how poor are we?!) S got his hair cut and then it took all morning to get the tyres off the alloys cos the angle grinder broke so he had to use a saw etc etc. Finally weighed the stuff in and got £37 (not bad) went home and had a sleep. Yes I still needed a sleep even though we hadn't done anything! Sat night we watched x factor and then drank loads and went to Brooks. it was ok, I was very drunk and can't really remember much. Spent a fortune on taxi's though. We really need to give up going to Lancaster unless there's a crowd off us cos it just isn't good enough to warrant spending £25 on taxis! Sun slept for most of the day, watched tv and got a kfc. Was ok, bit boring as most sundays are but I like to have a day to mong out so I can't complain!

Not much other news work is stressful as per usual and the engineers are now moaning that they don't want to use up 7 days holiday at xmas cos they would rather have it in the summer but am I hell coming in at xmas we have made plans now to do the rest of the work on the house and stuff so if they think I'm coming in to book work in then they've got another thing coming. I know J&D don't want to come in either so we will see. If we have to go back early then I'm just taking it as holiday. I NEED 2 weeks off. So there. J isn't in yet as apparantly she slept badly and has a bad headache. I don't miind being on my own sometimes its peaceful. Jh in the shop has bought some milk so he has made me a brew which was nice ;-)

Oh before I forget I am annoyed with F (again) She text me on Sunday saying did I want to go to Liverpool with her and Em in December so I said yes we could meet up with my sister that sounds good. So anyway the next day she text me saying she was going to text my sister and arrange it and I was like what on earth for?! A) she's my sister not yours and B) we are not inviting ourselves to stay with her! I text E to warn her so she didn't think it was my idea and told F we would have to book a hotel. E said I could stay with her and F & Em could get a hotel which I thought sounded ok so when I text F to tell her this she said what do you mean Em? She's not coming? I meant me and your sister! What on earth is she on about? Why would she arrange to do anything with my sister and then invite me along? For gods sake! Basically she fancies a cheap night out in Liverpool and is using me and E to get it. So now because we aren't/can't stay with E, F isn't going to drive and is talking about getting a train. Well I'm not getting a train I can get S or my Mum to take me for £20 petrol and I'm not paying £50 for a hotel. I'll go on my bloody own to see MY sister. It made me so mad. She doesn't even know E that well how dare she invite herself to stay with her? I'm fuming she better not think she's inviting herself and A to stay with her either. God GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Thats enough of that anyway or else I'm going to wind myself up again. I'm starving so I'm going to eat something now...Jxx