Sanity (or my lack of it)

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually going abit insane? Or at least I'd be a lot worse if I didn't have this to write on. Maybe thats why I'm not depressed any more (touch wood) as I have somewhere to vent how I feel and not offend anybody?

Anyway.....Things are ok if a little boring and STILL in limbo. All the paperwork for the house came on Sat and we had loads of stuff to sign, so signed all of it and sent it back. They had got part of it wrong as we want all our money on completion now and not just £1000 but I rang Northern Rock yesterday and spoke to a very helpful lady who has changed the paperwork for us. Good job I rang them too as when I spoke to the solicitors (yesterday pm when they had finally deined to ring me back) She was like "oh well its not our problem (again) you'll have to get NR to re-issue the paperwork" and I was like "It's already done!" Ha take that! The woman I have to speak to always sounds really nice but you can tell she can't be bothered with me and my worries! Its the same with the estate agents-they pretend to be nice but really they don't want to help you! So now we are just waiting to be given a completion date I think. The solicitors will want to hurry up now as they are getting paid from our money so the faster we complete the sooner they get paid! So fingers crossed it will be in the next 2 weeks.... but you never know.

Didn't do anything at the weekend it was a big fat waste of time. Well parts of it were ok. Fri we ended up setting up a tent in St's field and having a bbq with L as his family had gone away and he was on his own. Spent most of the night messing about taking him to see his girlfriend, but the highlight was that we both drove S's car round the field several times! And I could remember how to do it! I surprised myself and I actually enjoyed it so maybe now I will get S to teach me properly and I'll start learning again? Sat we were all really tired as we ended up coming home at 4:30am cos we couldn't be bothered staying in the tent. S and I went into Morecambe as planned but we couldn't be bothered and I felt ill so we ended up going to New Look and Greggs and then going home. We didn't do anything else on Sat as L stayed again so we just watched tv and went to bed. Sun we went up to Bentham to see L in the afternoon which was nice and atleast it meant we did something. She has got a baby hamster like Mink but grey who is so so cute! It's her birthday next week so we're going for a meal which will be good but she's got loads of other people going who we don't know so I'm abit aprehensive about that as they are all "Bentham people" and me and S aren't! Still hopefully it will be ok and we might make some new friends!

No other news really, S at plumb centre has just made me smile- we've started drawing each other little pictures on our faxes and he's just sent me one now ;-) See I'm easy to make happy really! D&P are going to the Carribean (!) on Sunday! I know! Don't ask how the hell they can afford it or can go at such short notice cos I really don't know. They live a charmed life sometimes. Oh I went to the dentist yesterday (I've finally got in at one) for a check up, next thing I've got a drill in my mouth and I'm having a filling! £42.40!! For 15 minutes! I bet dentists are millionaires! So I wasn't too impressed with that. I also randomly saw CW as I was coming out and he was going in, I obviously go to a popular dentist!

No idea what we are doing at the weekend. I get so tired of doing nothing but there isn't anything to do! We can't buy things for the house yet (still not definte bla bla bla) but we can't spend money on anything else just in case. I felt so tired after last Fri I didn't even want to do anything on Sat ( I was in bed before 11) and I'm kind of put off it for this weekend as I do not want to feel rubbish. But then if we go to bed early like good/boring people then its like we've wasted an evening and then we only have sat and the weekend feels like it's over even faster...We just can't win.

We're suposed to be going to D&P's on Fri for the usual bbq evening but I don't know whether to drink or not. S says he won't and then we can go home but its not really fair on him and to be honest he'll prob be bored otherwise. I don't feel like drinking now but by Fri I'll prob feel differently...God knows. I find if I drink one bottle of wine I'm not drunk but if I drink 2 I'm ill! Also I need to go to bed earlier than 4:30 or I am far too tired the next day! I wish we could have a party you know! I feel like actually doing something worthwhile not that we have any one to invite...Or I want to go out but we can't get anywhere unless we stay in a hotel and it needs to be more than just me & S cos we can never seem to get on/have a good time when its just us. I feel like I'm kind of looking for something that doesn't exist/isn't possible-I want to go out but I only want to go to Wigan/Preston, I want more than me & S to go, and I want to have a good time! Really that shouldn't be too much to ask. I just know when I'm in Wigan that it is exactly worth it and it is the only place that makes me feel like that (sounds so sad I know its only a night club but its true!) I supose cos I've only been a few times it makes it seem more so, I guess if I went every week it wouldn't feel like that. I know I need to make it so I can go out with just S and we can have a good time but I know he doesn't even really like going out so its difficult to begin with! And thats assuming we're both in good moods and aren't getting on each others nerves. I just feel like I have to get going-out out of my system this year cos I really won't be able to do it in a year or so and I can't cos know one will help me/come out with me! Jxx

Someday

When I fell for your attraction I couldn't see, I didn't know
As I look for your reaction baby, Why did you leave me all alone?
Now I can see it with my own eyes you walked away leaving me behind
What did you see that you surprised?
I didn't think that you could walk away
I'll be with you again someday
And I want you to know, I'll never let go

Cos if I could turn back time I'd ask you how you feel
And if you want to stay with me for one day?
Whenever I close my eyes I see you pass me by
And I know we'll be together someday, someday....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ahhh I'm so fed up. Still got to wait on the house cos the head solicitor bloke needs to contact us to talk about the contract and the searches and bla bla bla, so we are waiting to hear from him, then they will bill us, then when the cheques cleared we can go and sign... So that'll be in about a month then....

Got absolutely no money, the estimated bills for the house are just going up and up. S wants a nail gun for £360 (!!!) so he can do the decking! As well as some money towards his planer. We basically haven't got a contingency any more so if we have to make a payment upfront or anything goes wrong ie) we need new gutters/roof we are screwed! I wanted some money to take my sister on a health spar day but god knows where thats going to come from now. Its so hard to plan anything cos we really don't know where we stand on anything and until we know moving/completion dates and how much the first payments going to be I have no idea how our finances are and I hate it! Plus we can't really price up furniture til we know sizes etc so all that might change. It's so stressful! I know I can't do anything about it but I hate feeling like I can't control things ;-(

I really really really wanted to go out this weekend but D&P's mprtgage hasn't gone through again so they probably can't pay me back the £30 I lent them so now we're skint. Plus S doesn't want to go, he just doesn't like going out. No one else will come with me so I'm stuck. I'll have to stay in for the rest of my life because he doesn't like clubbing. It's not fair. I never get to do what I like. I'm always doing what other people want and helping them and lending them money and I never get anything back. I don't know why he can't just try and have a good time for me but everytime we do go some where he ruins it. It's not like I can go out without him either, but anyway why should I? He made out like he was so into dance music and stuff when I met him and now he's just taken it all away and he doesn't like anything any more. I'm seriously fed up. Jxx

Stupid Solicitors

STILL no news on the house! I phoned the solicitors to try and find out when we might complete but they "don't give completion dates until they've got all the searches back bla bla bla" Totally unhelpful. Basically we can't hand our notice in next week so we will miss the June deadline so now we need to hand it in by the end if July to be out for end of August. Great. Now everything is messed up with the money and I will have to work it all out again as we will still be paying rent in August (it goes out on the 30th July and we pay it on the 5th) So I'm confused and paranoid about spending any money in case we need it all if it all falls through cos it STILL isn't certain!

I don't think I will ever move again its such a pain. Part of me wants to hand our notice in anyway just cos it will save us money but then I know if I do that we will curse ourselves and end up homeless plus we might have to move in a rush cos we are planning on leaving stuff at Perth St and moving gradually. I don't know I'm just tired of the whole thing now ;-( I want my house! We put the offer in on the 9th May so its been 6 weeks tomorrow which I supose is no time at all but it feels like forever.

Other news: Weekend was ok, drank far far too much wine on Fri at D&P's cos we couldn't do anything else and I was fed up cos I'd had a crap week. CB came round again and Dv which was ok I supose. Dv said my hair looked like a wig (so nice of him) so now I'm paranoid and I'm tying my fringe up til its grown abit ;-( Sat I stayed in bed til I'd recovered then we made it in to town but too late to have a proper look around. Sat night we had a bbq at M's which was nice and good to see the family although I wasn't drinking much! Sun first one in ages when I've not been ill! It was fathers day so we went to see J&B and S tried to fix his exhaust (its gone again) and we went to Greaves Park so he could get some tea but I wasn't hungry. Sun night I spent hours trying to make a CD cos the stupid computer is messed up and so so slow. On the third attempt it worked after I'd got seriously stressed with it. It was an ok weekend, nice to feel good in work today but abit boring otherwise.

Scott Brown is on at DNA this Friday but as usual no one wants to go with me and we can't get anything anyway so whats the point. Ho hum, story of my life I don't know why I bother trying to have a good time everyone else is too boring or busy getting married or having babies! S is totally not interested in music or going out or anything, D&P only like their kind of music and have point blank refused to go to Pier again, my sister doesn't even like dance music anymore and neither does F (she's an indie chick now!!) I've only got L but she'll prob end up pregnant soon (which will be great for her) but it leaves me with no one! I wanted one year left to get it out of my system but it looks like I'm the only one ;-( Jxx

Crappy Week

It's been a rubbish week this week, times gone really slowly and for some reason all the grumpy/arrogant customers have crawled out of the woodwork to bother me. I also have PMT which is making me even more short tempered and irritable.

No idea what we are doing this weekend. I NEED to actually get into town this week. We are going to D&P's tonight for a bbq if the weather holds (its greyish but still dry) Probably won't be drinking so we'll end up having tea watching abit of tv and then going home and going to bed still I guess its better than nothing. Sat hopefully going to get some things from town although S wants to fix his car (exhaust is knackered AGAIN) so I might go on my own. Sat night ment to be going to a bbq at M's again weather permitting. Not meant to be drinking then either so I think its all going to be abit of a non event!

Keep getting really bad stomach pains/upset stomach I don't know whats up with me but its really hurting ;-( ow ow ow! I just can't be bothered today! I can't get my hair right either, I look weird without a fringe now but I can't get it to look right/how I want it. It needs to grow abit longer but until then I look odd and boring ;-(

No more news on the house, one of the searches has come back but still waiting on the rest. It doesn't look like they will be ready for us to sign at the end of June (2 weeks) so we will be stuck renting for another month which I'm disappointed about but I know can't be helped. I just wish we could go and sign-I'll feel so much better then because it will all be real...Jxx

Bitten!

We went camping on Saturday and I've been bitten all over by mosquitos. Even on my face all round my eye which is itchy and makes me look quite stupid ;-( They've just come up this morning and I can't stop scratching at them which is making them worse! Ahhh.

We had a nice weekend. Fri we went to D&P's as usual and had a bbq. We ended up sitting in the garden til 2:30 listening to the new cd we had bought. D invited CB round for something to do and he came but it was ok, which I was glad about although I always feel really stupid when I see him. So anyway we had a good Fri night as usual. We stayed at D&P's and woke up early so we went home and had a brief sleep then we were meant to go into town to get the things we needed. But M rang and asked us to take L up to where they were camping at Longridge so we ended up doing that instead because S just said yes without really thinking about it. When we got there they weren't at the carravan so we walked into Lonridge to this fete/carnival to try and find them but we missed them so we had to walk all the way back again. My feet were killing me as I've got a hole worn away on my heel from my new shoes and I was starving so I wasn't too impressed really ;-( By the time we drove back it was too late to do anything else as we were meeting L so we picked her up and walked to Greaves Park for some lunch which was actually really nice for a change!

Then cos it was so nice and we didn't want to be stuck inside we decided to go camping at Glasson Dock and try out the new tent. We sat in St's field and he brought a bbq down for us and we got some food from S's mum so it was a good evening and meant we actually had a cheap weekend! It was great to spend some time with L she is really good fun and we have so much in common, I can talk to her about anything. Her and M are so sweet I don't know anyone who is that "in love" after such a long time together. It's a pity he's so into football or else he could have come too! The only bad thing was I felt awful the next day, I don't know if it was some pork that wasn't cooked properly or I drank too much but I was sick all morning again and in the car on the way home and I felt terrible. I slept all afternoon and then woke up and felt abit better. So we watched CSI in bed and had a terrible take away (!) for tea ;-)

The weather has been gorgeous over the weekend but its gone abit weird now. Its still warm but not sunny and we had thunder before. I don't really mind what it does in the week as long as its nice for the weekend. We are meant to be going to a bbq at M's on sat so that should be nice although I don't think we are going to drink very much but we know I always say that! No other news on the house, hopefully all the searches are going through ok but we're still waiting....Keeping fingers crossed as always. Jxx

Frow-Frow AKA Snowball

The Minxster

House (and general) Update

Just a brief update on the house-finally their solicitors got the contract to our solicitors so they have submitted the searches and we're moving again. No idea how long the searches take so I'm still really hoping we can sign by then end of the month but the way things are going its anybodys guess. We're keeping everything crossed that it will all go through okay and that we can get in in time for the summer!

We were at D&P's last night waiting for the traffic to die down cos we'd been to the tip and it was beautiful weather. It was so nice to sit outside in their garden I just want us to be able to do that ;-) I'm trying not to get excited cos it could still all fall through but ahhhhh! We want it want it want it so much!

Other news: work has picked up a little bit and to be fair considering this week came after a 4 day one and I expected it to drag hasn't been too bad. The weather has finally gone sunny wahoo! Its lovely and meant to stay nice all weekend so we need to be out in it! The stupid football starts tomorrow (who cares??) so town will be heaving but I need to go to superdrug so we might have to brave it. Going to D&P's tonight for the weekly bbq which will be good. Not sure what else is happening it depends if Dv can get anything for us or not! E has started her exams and hopefully they are going well. We're going to see her dancing show in July which will be good and she's coming to stay in Aug. When she comes I'm going to make the biggest effort ever to make her have a good time and S is going to help me and isn't going to spoil it! I know he doesn't mean to but I just need to spend some time alone with her-she is my sister and I hardly get to see her ;-( M and D will come down and see the house if/when we get it though which I'm really excited about. Feels like I've not seen them for ages.

No other news really, I'm going to put some recent pictures up on here when I get a chance to make it more interesting! Jxx

PS. Here is the link to our much wanted house http://www.home-sale.co.uk/findhome_fr.asp?page=PD&Property_ID=3380&Supplier_No=37779

Worried

Been onto the estate agents and solicitors this morning and the estate agents were pretty rude and basically said it isn't anything to do with them any more and that we have to speak to the solicitors. Spoke to the solicitors and found out that the other people still haven't had their survey done and that their solicitors (Farrell and Heyworths ones) haven't even sent the copies of the contract or plans or anything to our solicitors and until they do we can't progress any further. So we are in exactly the same position as we were 10 days ago. I don't know why they haven't sent them and why they are stalling now. It doesn't take 10 days to get someone to go and do a survey? We were hoping the contracts might be ready for us to sign at the end of this week but they're no chance now. We need to sign before the end of June or else we are stuck here for another month. I just want to know whats happening. Are they changing their minds? We've spent all our savings on trying to get this house if it falls through we will have nothing to do it again and anyway this is the house we want so much. I wish they could tell you whats going on without being so rude about it. Our solicitors have said they will fax theirs to ask them again for the contract. I've just got a really bad feeling about it now.

Weekend update: S had a good birthday although we didn't do much. Went for a nice meal on thurs at the fleece with the family. Fri we went to D&P's for tea but didn't stay cos they had to get up early to go to the flower show and I was having my hair done. Sat woke up at 7!! Weather was lovely S opened his presents-mainly money but as he's saving up for more tools it was what he wanted. Had my hair done by S (ears intact!) She's done a really good job! She had to put brown over the red to make it all one colour but I've got some random blonde streaks which are cool and she's going to do more next time as it was a kind of trial run. I'm still getting used to my fringe but thats just me. So it was all ok and I will go to her again! After that we went to Matalan for him to spend his vouchers E gave him, he got a nice t-shirt (pink of course!) and a new white shirt. Then we didn't know what to do so we ended up going home and getting drunk watching CSI. We went to D&P's for tea and had a bbq whilst we got even drunker! By the time we went into town I was far too drunk! We met up with St and JL and the glasson dock usualls and had drinks in town. But no drugs as we couldn't get any. It was a good laugh actually (I think) F&A turned up later which was nice to see them and we had a good chat. Went back to D&P's I was too ill so I went to bed (at 12!!) D tried to get george to sit with me but he was having none of it ;-) They all stayed up abit longer but I was well and truly KO'd. S managed to find his way to bed somehow as he was there in the morning! I was so ill the next day I was sick on the way home and at home it was horrible but it served me right! Sun we slept all day and had a chinese and watched CSI. First time we've all been out really and not been wrecked. It was ok but I just cannot drink! Still S had a good time which was the main thing although I won't be going back to Lancaster in a hurry! There just isn't anywhere to end up but its ok for a few drinks. Jxx

I was bored so....

I like working here ;-)

You know something, I do, really! Even though I was in a bad mood before as a customer has had a big go at me for something I forgot to do (but isn't the end of the world) and also L has decided she isn't coming out on Sat now because otherwise she won't see much of M as hes's working which I'm a bit disappointed about to be honest but I guess there's plenty of other nights.

Still I'm sat here not too stressed and just enjoying being here. I've got J to talk to about the important things in life, to get advice from, who's into lots of interesting things and who helps me with anything, K has just made me a brew and makes me smile with his well-meaningness, S is here of course which is sometimes a good thing and sometimes not! But I do like the atmosphere here especially today its just nice and chilled...

I text P before to say I was having a bad day and to see how hers was and she rang me to see how I was! It was so sweet, I was really grateful it made me feel like someone was thinking of me and treating me actually like I was their friend. Oh and the sun is shining and we are going for a meal for S's birthday tonight. The small things in life make me happy...Jxx