Sore Teeth

My teeth are really hurting again. Stupid wisdom teeth always coming through and hurting me ;-(

Had an ok weekend, went to my mums as planned. Was really nice to see the family and we went out for a nice meal on Mothers day. Didn't end up going to Liverpool in the end because E and I just couldn't agree on what we wanted to do and where we wanted to go so in the end cos we didn't want to fall out or anyone to have a bad time so we decided to go to Chester instead. It was ok actually it probably worked out better than if we'd gone to Liverpool although I was abit disaapointed with not hearing some proper scouse house.

It seems to be hard for me to get on/be close to E these days, we used to be really similar years ago and now its like whatever I say or do annoys her or gets misunderstood. I know she will obviously be closer to her friends than me but it feels like with me not being there and not always having been very nice we aren't even that close anymore and that she doesn't even want to see me sometimes. I don't know. I wish things had been different in the past and then maybe she would like me more...? I just feel like she doesn't even think of me as a friend at times.

E got in to dance college by the way. She found out on Sat so they were clearly taken with her to contact her so quickly! I'm really glad for her, at least her life is sorted! Much more than mine is/was...

Weighed myself at my mums and I'm 9.5 stone!!!! How good is that? I can't remember being that light! I've just got to carry on being careful now and not blow it!

We're meant to be going to Birmingham to go to Godskitchen on Sat but S doesn't want to go cos he has to drive and can't drink and stuff so I don't really know whats happening. Part of me wants to go and part of me can just see its going to take up the whole weekend and cost loads....I don't know I really wanted to go to HTID but now thats sold out it doesn't matter so much...

Some good news to end with-I've been talking to a girl who emailed me from ivillage cos she lives near Lancaster. She's really nice and we're the same age and like loads of the same stuff! CSI, crime shows, dance music, wine...! More in common than I have with F or anyone else round here.... I'm hoping we can meet up for a drink and that I will have a new friend ;-) Yey! Jxx

Do Brunettes have more fun...?

Well I did it....I dyed my hair brown again! I was just so sick of my stupid roots so and I couldn't afford to have it done at the hair dressers so I got some hair dye from asda and did it myself! It's come out ok-I'm still getting used to it but it looks alright, better than it did. I just need it to grow loads now. It's really static though for some reason? I also need to wear more make up now as my skin looks quite pale. I don't feel too great about myself at the moment but I always look terrible at work though so I don't exactly feel my best anyway! We will see what I look like at the weekend!

Not much other news: Found out yesterday that HTID has sold out!! I'm so gutted I was so upset yesterday when I found out. Apparantly we will just go to godskitchen on the sat instead which I'm still looking forward to but am still gutted about not being able to see Scott Brown...

A was upset today as her boyfriend has been speaking to the girl who effectively broke up their relationship and who now won't let him go. I can see that he is trying to be nice but honnestly men are so dense sometimes! A is his priority and he needs to put her first. He keeps just doing stuff to upset her and then moaning at her for being upset!! I don't kow why she puts up with it sometimes, there's a limit to how many times you should let someone treat you badly. I will never be second best to anyone again, I went through all that when I was with D and I know now I am worth more than that. You can't make someone love you/treat you right and if they don't you should walk away. NO ONE is worth it, there will always be someone else out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

I have been feeling abit annoyed at S the last few days for going on and on about wood and bloody tools, hardly talking to me properly, and just watching stupid programs on tv. But then he made me a really sweet poster last night saying that he loved me which made me feel better and reminded me how sweet he is and how I am too mean to him alot of the time....

It was E's audition for her dance school today I really hope she's got in, I'm sure she will have cos she deserves to. I just know she will be so gutted if she hasn't.Fingers, toes etc are all crossed for her......(How on earth do you cross your toes???)

Not much else to report really....J is off to her aibo conference tomorrow so I should have a fairly easy afternoon ;-) yey. We're meant to be going to F&A's for tea tomorrow, but we'll see if it actually comes off though... I'm really looking forward to this weekend and seeing the family ;-) Wahoo! Hope it will be a good one. Jxx

It's 12:34...

And the Tuesday news is....
We had an ok weekend. Had a dead nice tea Fri night (fajitas) and went to bed early cos we were working Sat. Went to work on Sat it was ok went quite quickly. Sat afternoon just tidied the house and S built a box for his flaming helicopter (in the front room)!! Sat night we went to D&P's cos we hadn't seen them. We ended up going for a mish on the beach! D found an old railway sleeper washed up so he carried it home and used it for a bench in the back garden. We had a bonfire and sat and chilled it was nice. Felt bad though as L rang up last minute and asked if he could come round as S had forgotten to tell him we were busy but we had already said we were going to D&P's and staying there. We'll have to have them round in a couple of weeks to make up for it or something. Sun didn't really do much, borrowed a film off J "Just like heaven" so we watched that in bed, it was good.

Not much other news: We have had a provisional mortgage offer approved by HSBC so we are now seriously looking at houses cos we know what we can hopefully get! It's exciting but a bit depressing cos we can't afford much but its not as bad as I first thought. S is no help though he keeps looking at ones we can't afford and going oh isn't this nice and I'm like yeah its lovely but its 4x what they will lend us! Am going to start looking properly in 2 weeks cos we will be able to go into town on a Sat and actually go into estate agents. I'm just really really hoping that they will lend us what they said and that it isn't a fluke or something...

I bought a new dress the other day from the vestry to wear to Liverpool-its black and white check (sounds weird but its really nice) and I really like it but it makes my stomach look fat! I'm abit gutted cos I've been fairly good and stuck to my diet and I thought I looked ok but there's something about this dress that makes me look like I've got a bump. I've got a ribbon belt to cover it up and I've been doing extra sit ups but I just can't seem to get rid of it. I'm trying to be extra strict this week but somehow I don't think it will have gone in time for Saturday ;-( Gutted especially cos E is so slim so I will feel even worse ;-(

I am also really sick of my hair. It looks a right state. My roots are growing out but its too soon to get it redone and I can't afford it. It looks really scratty. I really REALLY want extensions but I can't really justify the expense....I'm also thinking of maybe having all my hair back to being brown again just cos I fancy a change and cos I won't have to keep having my roots done. But then look what happened last time? I hated it...Although I think that was because the hairdresser did it too dark? I'm too impatient though-I want something done with it NOW! I know I won't be able to get anything done for a couple of weeks but I'm sick of it looking horrible. Oh I don't know.

Asda run tonight yipee. Not. I wish the weekend would hurry up...Jxx

Weebles wobble...........

.............But they don't fall down!!
Just like me - I wobble abit sometimes and I get low but I never quite fall over!

I'm in abit better mood today-I'm trying to be abit more grateful and positive about stuff. I've got loads of stuff to be gratefull for its just hard to see it sometimes when you're fed up. Had really weird dreams last night about S saying he'd never really loved me and that he was going off with someone else. It was horrible. I woke up in a proper panic and then I saw him asleep next to me and I was like Thank god its a dream. It made me think how much I love him and even though he does my head in sometimes (like I do his in!) none of us are perfect and I'd be completely lost without him.

We have been together almost 2 years and it doesn't even feel like it-I still want to spend time with him, he makes me happy and most important of all I'm not bored! Well not with him anyway. I've never had a relationship with anyone who I still felt like this about after 2 years and thats saying something! Especially when I think back to everyone else I've been involved with and how unhappy I ended up and how badly things turned out. I don't want to ever end up like that again. I know I've got something good here and S puts up with me despite all my moaning and complaining and I don't know anyone else who would ;-) So I just want to say-Ste I love you. Awwwww!

I know it seems like the grass is always greener and that I want things I just can't have but I have to accept that. It's up to me to make myself happy-no one else can do it for me. Thats how I am though I always want what I haven't got, I'm always searching for something new, something more exciting-a bigger and better high. But then where does it stop? Life can't be great all the time. If you don't feel the lows then how can you ever appreciate the highs? In the words of Ronan Keating- Life is a rollercoaster you just got to ride it! Jxx

Me ;-)

Cute enough to make you look twice,
Sweet enough but not too nice,
A little crazy but not too wild,
The kind of girl that will make you smile ;-)

Whats up with me....?

I don't now whats up with me I still feel really down. I just can't shake off this feeling. I was nearly crying before I don't even know why just cos I'm fed up of everything. I'm fed up of being here and wasting my life. I was proper motivated the other week to get sorted and get on this mortgage course and now I just feel like its never going to happen. I want more purpose in my life than to be sat here everyday wishing my time away. I don't want to look back on my life and think that I just wished it all away always looking for something better.

We have offered to work on Sat morning for J so she can go to this psychic workshop in Liverpool in return for having that Fri afternoon off to go to Birmingham.....Atleast that way we don't lose any holiday and she couldn't really say no...We weren't really doing anything on Fri anyway so now we can go to bed early cos we know we have to get up. Bit boring but it will save some us money anyway and we definitely need to save some cos we are well skint ;-(

I should be happy, we're going to Liverpool in 2 weeks clubbing with my sister and then the week after we're going to Birmingham clubbing. I don't know why thats not cheering me up? I do really want to go and I should be looking forward to them? I just feel so shit and so fed up of life. I don't normally feel like this I should be feeling happy. AHHHH for god's sake whats up with me?

Maybe I need to stop taking the pill? I know it sounds odd but I never really thought about the effect it could have on me and I've been taking it constantly for 6 years at least and those hormones must be doing something? Just recently I keep reading about how it messes your body up and can have permanent effects and it just gets me thinking that maybe its that that's making me feel down? Everytime I start a new pack I feel like I don't want to take it but then if I don't what do I do? I can't have a baby yet obviously even though part of me thinks sod it why not? I know thats crazy and really I wouldn't do it, it's just I want to get on with my life. I don't want it to just be about me anymore-I want more of a purpose...I definitely want children soon its so weird I never thought I'd feel like this but I feel stronger about it everyday. I've gone from going out 4 nights a week to going out once a month not even and I think I could give that up easily. I know there's a hell of alot more to it than that it's just I never thought I could change so much!

I just know my parents will be very unimpressed if I don't get married first....and I don't really want to upset them. Plus it would be nice to have actually bought a house first too rather than just living in rented and to have some savings. It just feels everyday like I'm killing time-I mean I have to wait another year til we can get married cos we can't afford it this year so technically we can't afford a baby either...Oh god I'm so sick of having to wait on everything, everybody else just does it and manages without worrying what other people think so I don't know why I am so bothered about keeping my parents happy.....

I'm just rambling now I don't know. I just need to change something so I feel better! Jxx

Am so fed up of my life ;-(

I'm so sick of my stupid life. All I do is: go to work, be bored, get home, make tea, do the dishes, do the washing, tidy the house, do the food shopping, make lunch for work, go to bed, sleep, get up START AGAIN. I hate it. It's so boring and I'm fed up. I hate coming to work at the moment I'm just wasting everyday. I want to have some excitement, I want to do some stuff. I am sick of worrying about money and feeling stressed out and old and bored. I'm 22 for gods sake not 50.

I feel lonely too, I hardly get to speak to S properly these days he's always watching tv or making something or messing about with something acting like he's 10 not 25. It's like we're always together but we don't do anything together we're just in the same room. We used to have loads of fun and we were always getting on missions and doing things together but I supose things are never stay as they were when you first meet. I guess its up to me to make myself feel better-not anyone else, its just not always that easy. God I could still use a hug though-its hard to hug yourself...... ;-( Jxx

Ok everybody lie down on the floor and keep calm....

Back to work, don't really want to be here. Mondays are always so stressful cos every ones complaining from over the weekend. J isn't well either so she doesn't want to be here and is in a bad mood. I need to ask if we can have a friday afternoon off in 3 weeks to go to birmingham and I can see she's going to say no....

We are going to Hardcore til I die with D&P at the end of the month! I'm so excited I can't wait-Scott Brown and everyone is playing ;-) I only found out about it by accident but D&P were going to see their friends in birminghan that weekend so we are going to go too. Wahey! Went to D&P's on fri night. It was good we hadn't seen them for two weeks, we watched tv listened to my new hardcore cd and played a few intense games of pop and hop!

Sat we went shopping as S wanted a remote control helicopter! He got one but he can't fly it properly yet! Then we went to matalan and got a few bits-I love that shop its so cheap. We poped into to see M&G as S wanted to show them his helicopter! It was nice to see them and we had a brew and a chat. Then L and his friend came home and asked if they could stay as they'd asked to stay on fri but becuase we were going to D&P's they couldn't. So they came round and we listened to some tunes and watched tv and stuff. It was nice to see L as we haven't seen him for ages. I really like spending time with him we get on dead well and have a good laugh. I wish he was older though so we could go out for a drink or something instead of just staying in the house. It would make things a lot simpler and I wouldn't feel as caught in the middle either ;-(

My head is abit messed up. I've got a lot on my mind at the moment and my head feels really battered. I really don't want to be here. I didn't want the weekend to be over. It snowed on sat night loads and I really wanted it to stick so we couldn't get to work but it didn't ;-( J is not in a good mood and I can't be arsed either. I'm bored and fed up-there's nothing to do.... I want something good to happen....Jxx

It's Friday (Thank God)

TFI Friday is all I can say. God I've got nothing to do-this is the start of the slow few days. I've finished all my work and its only almost lunch time! I want to go home! And they say I can't have a day off?????

I've got scratches all over my neck and chest cos Lucy was climbing up me and she got stuck in my earing cos its a big hoop and I couldn't get her out. She didn't mean to but she has really long nails and its sore now.

No idea what we are doing this weekend. Bought a new hardcore cd yesterday so I will be listening to that otherwise god knows! S and I have said that we want to do something together that makes us happy cos although we see each other all the time we don't really talk to each other/spend quality time with each other. We used to be so connected and on the same level and be in our own little world. We were always getting on missions and doing fun stuff and at the moment we don't find anything fun. I just want us to have a laugh and be stupid like we used to-together. Jxx

Knight of Cups

I think this is me as a tarot card.........
THE KNIGHT OF CUPS:
ROMANTIC..........OVEREMOTIONAL
IMAGINATIVE..........FANCIFUL
SENSITIVE..........TEMPERAMENTAL
REFINED..........OVERREFINED
INTROSPECTIVE..........INTROVERTED

In other words-a contradiction in terms!!!!

And the midweek news is....

Not much really. Am still having a rubbishy week. The weather is rainy and grey but it kind of suits my mood.

Have no idea what we can do this weekend. Yes I know I have given up getting wrecked on a Fri and Sat and yes I do feel miles better this week. But then the boredom catches you and kills you. Its a tough decision between dying of boredom or a hangover. Plus if we do nothing at the weekend then we have to do stuff in the day and that costs more money! I don't know what to do. I really want to go out somewhere or something. I feel if I go out on the Sat night then I can tolerate not doing anything on a Friday but if we're going to stay in both nights then we may as well get wrecked.

Trouble is theres no where worth going that we can get to. We spent a fortune on going to bloody Maximes and it was...ok. Well it was a disaster til we got there, then the music was good so it kind of made up for it but it wasn't what I was expecting and we only had enough money for 1 drink once we got there cos the taxi and getting in was so much! No change out of £60!!!! Its ridiculous. I would like to be able to go to Pier or wherever once a month or something but then S has to drive cos ther's no way we can afford taxis at those prices so basically we are screwed.

I hate having nothing to look forward to or anything. I feel really stressed out but I don't even know why. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Help me somebody please. I think its hormones sending me crazy. I just want to have some fun and stop worrying about everything ;-( Jxx

50 Random bits of Info About Me!

My sister sent me an email with a load of random questions to answer so I thought I would post them!

1. What time did you get up this morning? Woke up at 7, ate breakfast in bed and dragged myself out of bed at 7:50.
2.Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds-they're a girls best friend!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? "Its all gone Pete Tong" I never go to the cinema! I'm not a big film fan to be honest I never go to the cinema I'd rather watch a dvd
4. What is your favourite cuisine? Italian
5. What foods do you dislike? Butter ugh! And scrambled egg-the texture makes me feel sick!
6. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Godskitchen Anthems and Clubland Xtreme Hardcore
7. Favourite sandwich? Chicken and Bacon from Greggs
8. What characteristics do you dislike? People who tell you one thing and then tell other people another, People letting you down, People picking on others to make themselves look big. People who think they are it! Liars, Unreliabilty...
9. Favourite item of clothing? A good pair of jeans/denim skirt and my fluffy coat
10.Where in the world would you go on holiday? Ibiza again, or Dubai if I was rich
11. What colour is your bathroom? Peach
12. Favourite brand of clothing? Morgan
13. Where would you want to retire to? Somewhere still local (Lancashire) but abit more in the country
14. Favourite time of day? After 5pm-No more work!
15. Where were you born? Leicester General Hospital, Leicester
16. Favourite sport to watch? Darts!
17. What laundry detergent do you use? Bold Ocean Clear -S is allergic to most others
18. Coke or Pepsi? Neither. I don't drink fizzy drinks!
19. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night owl without a doubt
20. What size shoe do you wear? 6, 5.5 or 5, but my new boots are a 4! I think I'm a 5 really.
21. Do you own any pets? 3 hamsters: Minky, Snowball and Zebedee, 1 rabbit Rossi, and I co-own 2 rats; Lucy and Mischa, at work!
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I have period pain and I am SERIOUSLY fed up and emotional this week- I was nearly in tears before for no real reason. Oh and I have a rat crawling up my jumper!
23 What did you want to be when you were little? A writer, still quite fancy it actually.
24. Favourite Candy? Cola bottles
25. Are you in Love? Yep ;-)
26. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Underwear/bridal department at Bhs, Cashier at Halfords, Promotions at Destiny and Elite nightclub, Promotions at Citysightseeing, Night team/entertainment at Woolworths, Telesales (For 3 days-I HATED IT!) PA/Office Manager at David A Farrer Ltd.
27. What colour underwear are you wearing? Black and matching for a change!
28. Nicknames: Just Jo (boring aren't I?) Someone give me a nickname!
29. Piercings? Ears and belly button
31. Eye colour? Green with gold in the middle
32. Ever been to Africa? Twice to S.Africa. I am quarter South African and I have family there! I'd love to go back.
33. Ever been toilet papering? Nope!
34. Ever loved someone so much it made you cry? Yeah, all the time-I'm a big softie!
35. Been in a car accident? When I was little but I don't really remember it.
36. Croutons or bacon bits? Both!
37. Favourite day of the week? Thursday in the week and of course Saturday!
38. Favourite restaurant? The Horns or the Mill Inn
39. Favourite Flowers? Lillies
40. Favourite ice cream? Vanilla
41. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney everytime-Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!
42. Favourite fast food restaurant? Burger King-for the bacon double cheeseburgers!
43. What colour is your bedroom carpet? blue with horrible flowers-not my choice it came with the house!
44. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Internacional cos I'd get loads for my money. Oh and New look, Temptation, Morgan...
45. What do you do most often when you are bored? I am the master of bordem! I'm always bored at work so I surf the net, read up on things I'm interested in, research and write on this!
46. Bedtime? I'm in bed by 11 at the latest cos I need my sleep!
47. Last person you went to dinner with? I went to The Crofters with S, My Mum, Dad and Sister and S's Mum, Dad and D&P for my birthday.
48. Favourite Movie? Human Trafic, Madagascar or Mean Girls
49. What is your favourite colour? Purple
50. How many tattoos do you have? 4- A dove on my right hip, a dragon on my stomach, a butterfly/tribal on the bottom of my back, and a chinese symbol on my left hip! Jxx

This site is so STUPID

I wrote a whole page about the weekend and everything and this site has just ERASED the whole thing. I am not writing it out again. I am seriously PISSED off. I do not want to be at work. I do not want to do all the shite I have to do. I am not repeating myself.

I am FED UP of life and all that comes with it. Everytime we try and do anything it turns out rubbish. Everything costs too much money. I don't do anything except sit at work and be bored but I am still stressed out and tired all the time. The weekends are pointless: If we get wrecked then I am hung over and I look terrible and I sleep all day. If I don't then I am bored and we spend twice as much as we have to do something in the day.

I only want to be happy goddamn it. I was sad all day yesterday cos all I wanted to do was sleep and I knew it was a waste of a day and that it was Monday tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I feel like crying or else banging my head against a wall. Jxx

Lent

Well guess what I'm giving up for lent....Drinking/taking drugs on both weekend nights and.....cheese! I really need to give up both because I'm becoming dangerously fat again ;-( So now I'm going to only drink on either fri or sat NOT both. And I'm really going to avoid cheese. It's going to be hard but I need to do it. S is giving up chips mmmmm wonder how long that'll last???

Also I need to focus more on my tarot. I really want to learn it but I need to step up my learning of the cards instead of just wasting my evenings. So thats the mission for the moment!! AND to take some good pictures and to get on with my scrap book! AND to get organized about applying for my course/writing to estate agents. So I'm going to have a busy evening tonight then....Jxx