Abit hungover!

Went out with F&A last night for some food and a random tour of the "local" pubs in Lancaster. Ended up in the friary, the tree, the park, bowerham hotel, the white cross and then back to the friary! It was actually a good laugh and although we couldn't really afford it, its been ages since we saw them and was much better than doing nothing like we normally do on a sunday! Only thing is I feel abit rough today! We only had one drink in each pub so wasn't really drunk but my head is abit battered ;-) Self inflicted I know.

Weekend news: Rest of the weekend was ok. Friday night was rubbish I ended up in bed at 10 because I was fed up and there was nothing on tv whatsoever. S thought he'd stay up on his own and then came to bed half drunk and woke me up! Wasn't very impressed with him for that! But he cleaned the house on Sat morning which was really sweet of him. Saturday we went into town but it was heaving and so I couldn't be bothered even looking at anything, we ended up having tea in the tree and then went home. We had thought we might do something on Sat night like go into town but S said he was staying in, D&P were in dolphinholme and we couldn't get hold of F&A (surprise!) Also we were waiting around for ages to go and meet this girl on ryelands to get some drugs and by the time we'd done that it was after 9 so it wasn't worth even doing anything (again) We ended up having L and his friend ( a different one!) round which was good-better than just us being on our own and watching tv like last Sat. We did the usual and got wrecked and went down to Aldcliffe and even went up to Jubilee Tower to see the lights which we've not done for ages ;-) But I think we are going to stop having people to stay. S has said that it isn't right and it makes us both feel guilty so it would be better if we stopped-for the moment anyway. Its a shame cos I like having people round but I know that he is right and its my fault things are like this in the first place so its not really up to me. I certainly don't want to make things worse than they already are so I know leaving it for the moment is the right thing to do ;-(

We are now completely skint though so we will definitely not be doing anything next weekend. Definitely! I want to have my hair done on Saturday ready for my birthday but I think M&D will pay for that for me (fingers crossed) Also we've eaten tonnes of junk this weekend which we need to stop-got to be strict on the diet this week ;-( and I'm starving...! Jxx

What a crap week

This has been the worst week for a long time. I have had a constant headache which pain killers do not get rid of as it seems to be muscular. It's like someones pressing on my temples. I have come out in a million spots and my hair is a mess it doesn't matter what I do to it. Work has dragged and dragged I can't get motivated to do anything. Time is going so slowly compared to last week. Nothing is sorted for my birthday I'm not going to have any presents or anything. We have no money for this weekend to do anything let alone for me to buy anything for myself. I don't see why I should have to organize it anyway. S should have sorted it all out for me he hasn't even got me a card its the one he got last year by accident hardly very thoughtful. It doesn't make me feel like anyone cares about me.

I feel quite down actually. God knows what we are going to do this weekend. Why can't I get to do anything that makes me happy? Jxx

Such a slow week............

This week is going so slowly and I keep getting really bad headaches at work I think its staring at the computer. It feels like someone is pressing on my temples or something. And I am SOOOOOO tired. God I hate getting up early. I don't like staying in bed and wasting the day either though. I wish I could naturally wake up early instead of being a night person.

I was moaning at S yesterday as I was fed up and it felt like all he is interested in is tools and making things out of wood. He'll go on the computer and research all these tools and make lists and draw diagrams of the stuff he's going to make etc but he won't help me sorting out anything else. I know its what he does for a living and that it's his hobby and that him and D&B are exactly the same. But its just if I'm trying to talk about other stuff he's not half as interested. I mean he makes an effort to try to be but he just doesn't have the enthusiasm for all the things I like as he does for his DIY programmes etc. I know I don't always make the effort with him especially in the week when I'm just knackered and all I want to do is go to bed! But we see each other all day everyday (with working in the same place) so its hard to make a special effort to look nice for someone when they are always there! Especially when half the time he doesn't notice that I'm trying to look nice! I don't know I just wish there was abit more romance in our relationship or something?

I think I'm just down and finding fault with everything. I know I'm lucky to have him really and we do have a great relationship. Especially as I never trusted anyone I went out with before him, even though I thought I did, underneath I didn't which is why I was so paranoid and clingy and never let them do anything. Its weird but I was actually right to be like that even though I didn't know it at the time because they all text, rang and flirted with people behind my back and the more I tried to stop them the worse it was! It's taught me that people are going to do what they want no matter what. You can't change anyone you can only change/control yourself. The only thing you can do is find someone who will never do that to you.

I don't know why but when I met S I just knew I he would never do anything bad to me. I'm not obsessed with him like I was with my exes, yes I love him to bits but I know I can be myself with him. I don't mind if he goes out without me or anything because I know he is always honest with me and that he loves me. With D especially I would never let him even go to the pub with his friends or do anything because I just couldn't trust him and I didn't truly believe that he only wanted me (because in the end he didn't!) It made me a crap girlfriend because I was always upset and bothering him but then if he hadn't been such a twat in the first place then I could have been the nice chilled out girlfriend I am now haha. He makes me a better person and how I want to be ;- ) Thats why I know S is the right one-it's just such a different relationship from any other that I've had! It's equal and he makes me happy and not sad :-) awwwwwwwwww.

On another topic: friends who'd have them?! F rang me last night when I was still at work but she only rang once and when I answered it she hung up so she clearly wanted me to ring her back! Well I have no credit and I'm sick of ringing her mobile off my house phone cos its expensive and if she wants to ring me then she can bloody ring me!

God I'm so bored at work this week is turning out awful. Its going so slowly for some reason and I'm absolutely starving. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm fed up and skint and hungry and bored and tired! My stomach is growling. Thats it I need food-I'm off to mission to booths now......Jxx

FED UP

I am so fed up. I have a pounding headache. I do not want to type up a load of stupid estimates or put service reminders in envelopes. I had typed a big post about the weekend and the power went off and lost everything I'd written. I want to go home. I am so f**ked off. I have stupid frizzy hair cos I tried to curl it and its all gone wrong and I look stupid. I don't even know what I'm doing with my hair anymore its such a mess.

Also we have no money, even though we hardly spent any this weekend, as S very considerately ordered some stupid tools off the net and a record and that ended up being £40, plus we over spent £30 at asda last night. God knows how we did that though cos we didn't even get anything. S never knows what he wants to eat and isn't helpful in choosing things so I just got stressed and didn't add it all up on the calculator so we spent way too much on nothing. Even though we won £36 on a scratch card on Sat and should have had lots of money now that won't even cover what he spent/we overspent. And I was suposed to get half of that £36 to buy myself something. Yeah right. I'm not even going to get a birthday present now. How considerate is that. Anyway, as we have no money this weekend will be shit AGAIN.

Weekend just gone: Fri night was great. We went round to at D&P's got blagged to stay and felt wanted for once. Got wrecked but had a good night. Sat it was nice to see the family. D was in a bad mood cos S could fit stereo easily don't ask why (if he can't do it no one can etc) We stayed for tea as he had cooked for us and I couldn't be doing with upseting him further.
Sat night was rubbish we didn't do anything as S was ill and he didn't bother getting in touch with us to go in to town. Sun stayed at home in bed and felt annoyed. So yeah great weekend not. Fri was good but it was all downhill from there.

God I'm so fed up and mad. F&A are going away on holiday for my birthday-how kind of them. Oh and I think G's still pissed off with me. Isn't life just great. NOT. Jxx

Aching

I've got a right headache and back ache today. I'm fed up cos I had to deal with all the stress yesterday. J didn't come back til after 5 and she's already gone out once today. She won't ring anyone back and just leaves everything up to me. I cannot be bothered today I want to go home and have a nice bath. I really do ache all over ;-( I feel proper fed up for some reason.

At least we are going to J&B's for tea so we don't have to think about that. We are going to Wales again tomorrow (I think) to fit E's stereo. I don't know whether we'll stay or not. It depends if she wants to do anything but she reckons she doesn't have any money so we'll prob end up coming home. She is so tight with her money! I supose thats why she has a car and no debts and I have lots of them ;-( We have also been invited into town (lancaster) but I doubt we'll go seeing how crap it was last time.

I am waiting for my soup to be done. I am so bored. There is nothing remotely intersting on the internet to look at. A hasn't emailed me and I haven't had anything else worth reading. Oh F&A said they might come round last night but they didn't. Not that I am really bothered now. I want to go to bed, we aren't doing anything tonight so at least we can go to bed early again. Feel really fed up and I felt quite happy earlier this week ;-( Things just seem to be getting on my nerves today.

We are actually quite seriously planning our wedding this year (for next year) but its all so overwhelming and expensive and I am getting stressed just thinking about it. I want it to be the best day of our lives but we are going to have to be so careful with money and I can see the parents won't be too happy about it. I'm getting to the point where I don't really care. it's my life and I will do what makes me happy. I can't really get S interested in it all though. I swear if it isn't tools or wood then he has no interest in it. He can be like a child sometimes expecting me or his mum to organize everything for him. It just doesn't feel very romantic me having to organize everything and badger him about it. ;-( Jxx

On my own?

I've been on my own at work all day. J went out this morning to take her car to be serviced and she isn't back yet. I wonder if there's a problem or if she just cannot be arsed coming back! She's been really fed up lately with work and I wouldn't blame her if she's gone shopping or something fun. I feel like that sometimes. It was so easy when I was at uni to sack it off and go and buy clothes instead (mmm and thats why I'm in so much debt!) Its a pity I can't just go home when I feel like it though ;-( but then I suppose thats a perk of being the boss.

I am so bored and hungry. I have been eating mini cheddars (I know I shouldn't) but they were reduced and I am fed up. Why does something so nice have SO many calories. It has been quite stressful to with J not here. I have had to make decisions and ring round everyone to try and sort out problems. I know I should be doing that really anyway but I guess I am used to letting J do all the awkward stuff! Its not good for my figure-I'm going to end up fat if she doesn't come back soon!

I've been reading other peoples blogs and they all seem so much more interesting than mine. Memo to self-get more interesting life to write about! But at least I can't complain (at the moment anyway!) Jxx

Tired

God I'm really tired today Mondays always get me even though we go to bed early on a Sun.

Had a fairly productive weekend. Didn't do anything on Fri night watched tv and went to bed which was good really as we got up early on Sat and went into town. Got M some earings for her birthday, went to the bank etc, then we went to Preston (to CPC) to get some electrical bits with B. So we can now watch sky in bed wahey! We had a toasted sandwich in the Horns which was tasty and made a change. Didn't do much in the afternoon but then L asked if he could come round cos his mum and dad were going out so he came over and stayed. We had a good evening cos we didn't expect to do anything and we had a laugh and stuff. Sun we went into town and it was freezing-really cold wind blowing right through you. We went and got a new tent and sleeping bags cos there was a sale on and we are meant to be going camping next weekend (weather permitting! haha) Also nipped to D&P's to see them for abit as we hadn't seen them all weekend.

No real other news. F rang me on sat night to tell me she'd seen H out in Morecambe and she went out of her way to tell her she'd been going to see and sleep with D oh and that she'd met S. It has annoyed me abit , she's just trying to rub my face in it cos I never met him. Good luck to her, she's a lieing money grabing cow so if D wants to get involved with her then more fool him. F has put back when we're supposed to meeting to 3 weeks away. Prob cos A has changed his hours or something. I don't really care any more. Leave them all to it. Its funny but the first person I'd rather speak to about it is A and I've never even met her! She has been more of a friend recently than anyone.

E had a good time in L'pool for her birthday. I think it was a good job we didn't go as it was people we wouldn't really know and they only went to Walkabout! I'm glad it worked out ok for her and its only 4 weeks til my birthday so we will go out with her then ;-) Not much else to report works hectic as usual, so I'll get on....Jxx

Ok I am a lame blogger

I know its been ages and I am lame. I appreciate that I just have been pretty busy at work and to be honest nothing exciting has happened in my life to report it!

I was ill at the weekend with a suspected stomach bug which is going around. Was sick all Fri night and spent the best part of Sat in bed working up the courage to brave the car journey to wales for E's birthday meal. Got there ok and felt better by the meal so that was a relief. Didn't do anything on Sun as we wanted to drive home before it got dark so it only gave us time to sit in the house and chat but that was ok. It was an ok weekend but I was annoyed because I'd been ill and I also felt quite down especially as it didn't really feel like E's birthday. She didn't open her presents or have a cake or anything and as her actual birthday wasn't until Monday it just felt like an ordinary (but very nice) meal. We obviously didn't see her on the Monday as we were here so really we wern't in any way involved in her actual birthday. It makes me feel sad, I was really excited and pleased for her being 18 at last and by the time we next see her it won't mean anything. I don't feel like she wanted to celebrate it with us if you know what I mean-it just didn't occur to her. It might not have mattered to her but it mattered to me.

Anyway not much else is new. Am getting seriously fed up with F&A. F never answers when I ring her and never texts me back. I worry about her and think she might be feeling down or sad and I'm not there for her. Next thing she finally rings me and she's fine its just she doesn't want to do anything without A (he's been ill) I never even asked her to do anything! A text just might have been nice. I was worrying and thinking I was a bad friend to her and all the time she was fine and clearly hasn't spent 2 mins thinking about me! It would be nice to feel like someone thought about me (as a friend) occasionally and wanted to do stuff with me/and ste. The only person who is contacts me regularly is A (from i-village) she's lovely but she's in Scotland so..!

Went to see D&P on Mon night to help P with the computer and her CV. I don't mind doing that its nice that they asked me. I just know how it goes with them though-sometimes things are great and we're friends other times we don't see them for weeks and we're just relatives they have to put up with. I try not to let it bother me any more and just enjoy it when we all get on.

I know I've always got S and thats great cos he is all I need but sometimes it'd be nice to have other people to do stuff with and to have a laugh with. I don't know. Oh well I'll write more when I'm in a better mood I can't be bothered today and I'm not explaining myself very well ;-( Jxx

Back to normal.......

Back to work and normality today. Its funny I wasn't looking forward to being back at all but in many ways its actually quite comforting-I know exactly where I am, what I'm doing and how things work. Sometimes it feels worse to have a long holiday as it disturbs routine and life and makes me feel stressed about everything and we didn't even end up doing anything worthwhile anyway! I think I'd rather just have a few days off here and there and have long weekends as thats more of a break! I do feel relieved as I wasn't looking forward to it but I'm ok now I'm here-sort of glad even! Mad I know. Plus its only a 3 day week so can't complain really!

New year news: Well it was ok. Didn't go at all as planned. Went into town for a few which was nice then went to F&A's for a new year "party" as planned but at 12:30 they were tired and went to bed! After we'd taken all S's dj stuff and everything and had been promised a big night! We didn't know what to do then so we walked back into town (miles) and went to Liquid but it was awful. Completely empty and rubbish music. We ended up getting dragged to the lounge with JG which was busy but by this time it was 3am and we were pretty fed up. We ended up getting a taxi to M's where all S's family were. It was miles better there and we wished we'd just gone there in the first place! We spent a fortune in town and it wasn't even worth it. We would have gone to M's in the first place but we'd promised F&A we'd see them and they made it into such a big night and then it was a total let down! I suppose its just one of those things but I'd had a suspicion they might do something similar. They don't seem to be up for anything remotely fun or "wild" at the moment. Things are still pretty odd with them at the moment. Its like they really can't be bothered with us and its too much for them to even give us a little bit of their time. I'm not bothered but they are meant to be our friends and I've always been there for F in the past and now its like they're too busy with their mature adult life to spend anytime with us.

We've also decided from now on there's no point even trying to go for a proper night out in Lancaster. We may as well just go to the pub for a few as all the so called clubs are awful and especially if we are out with F&A as they won't last past midnight! It was a pretty bizzare night all in all. The worst part of it was my shoes rubbed really badly and I didn't realise until it was too late. I have taken lots of layers of skin off my toes and they are all cut and bleeding and blistered. I couldn't walk the next day and even now they are all sore and I'm having to put dressings on them ;-(

Strictly back on the diet. Not that I've been too bad at all over xmas. I think I've finally learnt to say no to things but I haven't been as good as I should be so got to go back to being strict so I make sure I don't put any on. Especially as I've got all these nice new small clothes that I need to keep fitting into! S is on one too but we'll see how long that lasts! No more news really and I'd better get on as I've got loads to do! Jxx