Only halfway there ;-(

Well S went to the docs yesterday. It was a woman doctor too bless him! She reckons its a cyst but they're sending him for an ultrasound anyway to make sure. We're sort of relieved but will feel better once he's got the all clear, although I can see that won't be til after xmas. Oh well.

Not much else to report. Work is busy busy busy. We've got people off ill and irrate customers oh joy! We can't even answer the phones because we can't help anyone and they are all being rude! The week feels like its really dragging too. I can't believe its only Wednesday. I just want it to hurry up so I can go home ;-(
Just can't be bothered with anything at the moment, feeling really bored and fed up with the world. Jxx

Excuse me but have you seen the snow???

Well there was snow this morning! Its gone now but it looked pretty when we got up. Had an ok weekend as we were at my mums all weekend. Didn't do much but it was good to recharge the batteries. We went into Chester on Sat and S got some new gloves and we went to Broughton Park on Sun and helped E choose and outfit for her xmas work do. We also went out for a meal on Sat night which was nice except they gave me a side salad instead of a main meal but we didn't realise until we had paid! Family are all ok. D seems to be getting more awkward at times. It makes me sad when I see that as I always have this picture in my head that they all get on fine without me there and they are all happy etc and then sometimes when I go home it seems like exactly how it used to be when I lived there and everyone was sad or angry. It makes me sad to think about it. I can't really explain it I just want them to all get on and be nice to each other.

Guess what! I've lost 11lbs on this diet! Wahey! I can't believe it I'm really surprised and pleased. I weighed myself for the first time since I started this diet at my mums (as we don't have scales) and somethings actually worked. I've still got another 9lb to go so that should be about 9 more weeks and then I might feel thinner! It doesn't feel like its all been in vain now so I have a renewed enthusiasium! (well sort of!)

Worrying news-S has found a lump. We aren't sure what it is and it could be nothing but its hurting him and we are worried about it. He's going to the docs tomorrow but in the mean time we have to just wait. Am trying not to think about the worst case scenarios but we're really concerned ;-( Not much else to report really. This is dominating my thoughts at the moment. More news when I have some......Jxx

Life

Its just a bittersweet symphony-thats life. Trying to make ends meet you're a slave to money then you die.....

My thoughts exactly. Jxx

Empty

Am feeling so empty and confused at the moment. I don't know what I want or what would make me happy. I felt so down yesterday I was nearly crying at my desk. I don't know whats wrong with me. I can't feel happy about anything in the future. I feel like I'm just treading water. I don't want xmas, its too much money which we haven't got. I wish I could get excited about it. I wish it felt special and was something to look forward to. I just want to feel how I used to about it but now it doesn't seem to mean anything I just know it will be a let down. We can't buy anyone anything nice, we can't afford to buy each anything nice, we won't go out any where good. I want to feel excited and happy and nice inside but I feel nothing. What is even the point? I don't see much point to anything anymore.

Nothing I do makes me happy. Even when I try and do things to make me happy they go wrong. Last week was the final straw its like I don't have hope any more. Before, I was just angry cos nothing worked out and we couldn't afford to do anything, now I just feel like even when we do its not what I've been looking for and it doesn't make me happy. I'm so confused I don't know what I can do with my life to make it better. We are stuck saving up so we can do things in the future like buy a house etc but what are we supposed to do while we are saving up? We are supposed to be having fun and not worrying. How can I be having fun if I don't even know what I'd find fun??? Some one help me please I'm going mad inside I don't know what I can do to escape this and feel normal again.

Nothing seems to have any meaning it all feels so shallow. Going out and buying things always used to make me feel better and give me something to look forward to. Now it doesn't make me feel anything, it all seems wasteful and stupid if I hadn't wanted to do all those things then I wouldn't be in debt and we could afford a house sooner etc. Its like I've just opened my eyes and seen life how it really is, just the persuit of one so called pleasure after another-hedonistic. I always believed that was all I wanted and thats what it was about but it seems that inside I've changed and it doesn't make me feel better any more. And actually I suppose it was always the people who I was with that made it good not the things themselves. I don't have any people like that these days. No one who makes me have a good night like I used to-who I really get on with and who brings me up. Now nothing picks me up any more. I really want to cry again now. Jxx

A weekend wasted........

........Can be a wasted weekend. Well am pretty goddamn fed up this week.
Weekend didn't go according to plan-AT ALL. Here's a brief run down:

Fri went to sidewalk. Was really looking forward to it. Wore my new skirt from asda everything was arranged to be a good night. J&B drove us otherwise we couldn't hvae gone. By the time we got there S was too drunk and I was pretty drunk as we'd been drinking since we got in. Place was deserted and we argued over him being stupid and me feeling unsafe due to all the scallys. Ended up leaving after an hour-can't even remember why as we were wrecked by then. Went runing round preston looking for J&B's car. I thought I'd lost my phone but actually S's cousin had borrowed it. We ended up locked in the bus station when we were trying to find J's car. Got home seriously fed up. Couldn't sleep cos we'd done pills so we watched sky and eventually went to bed.

Sat slept most of day as we felt rough and couldn't be bothered. Sat night didn't know what to do as F was away, D&P didn't want to see us so we called in at M&G's. They were tired and didn't really want to see us either so we went home. AND WENT TO BED. Sun we went to J&B's for sunday dinner which was lovely and then did nothing for the rest of the day as I was tired and still felt crap from the drugs. BASICALLY WE DID NOTHING.

It wasn't anyone's fault cos at the time we felt like doing nothing in the day but we actually had a night out planned for a change and nothing went right with that either so it wasn't even worth it. Oh and we have no money again. The car got a flat tire so J has had to lend us £70 for a new one. Also the stereo is completely knackered so we can't listen to any cd's not that we have any new ones worth listening to anyway. We can't afford anything. I feel so down. We can't afford xmas presents. I can never buy S anything nice. I can't get any new make up or even stuff we need.

Why can't we ever have a good night? I suppose I should just give up and be a hermit but why should I never be able to get dressed up and go somewhere? Why can't me and S ever get on when we drink? Why can't we ever feel safe/comfortable on our own when we're out? Why is everything so RUBBISH? I feel so down and fat and ugly. My hair is terrible. It needs doing but oh we have no money and I need to try and make it last until Dec otherwise it'll look messy for xmas/new year. Haha like we'll be going anywhere anyway so like it'll matter what I look like.

Had an awful day yesterday in work. All the customers were horrible and going mad because we can't get to them. They're so stuck up round here. they expect to be top priority even though there are people waiting with no c/h or h/w and all their problem is that their taps driping etc!!! One man was proper rude to J. There was no need for him at all. I felt so stressed and sad all day-I think every one did too. Plus we had to go to asda but I wasn't putting it off so we went and spent loads ;-( but got some good stuff so I guess its ok. Am trying to be more positive today. I've rung loads of people back and booked stuff in and I'm answering the phone as much as poss to avoid a backlog again (60 messages yesterday and 33 this morning) Only 5 weeks left in work (inc this one) and then we're off for 2 weeks. I don't really care about xmas but I can't wait for that, even though we'll be penniless so we can't do anything.

I know this is another rant but I don't really feel very positive at the moment. Atleast if I get it all out on here then I feel abit better and don't moan at S or anyone else. I know I've got a lot to be grateful for etc etc etc and I'm not ungrateful. I just feel so empty. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I have no purpose at the moment. I wanted to just chill out and have fun but we clearly are incapable of doing/organizing anything fun so I need something else to aim for. I feel so lost. I don't know where all our money goes it just seems to go into a blackhole of nothing and we don't have anything to show for it. We always used to be going places and buying stuff and now we can't afford/do anything. I don't know whats changed?

Anyway going to Wales this weekend to see the family so that will be a nice change and means we won't be in bed all day! Trying to be positive am I. Jxx

I don't like my body-I look so stupid

Its cold today-freezing to be exact. The temperature is 0 degrees! But its nice and warm in the office though so I'm not too bad. The rat is on a mission! She's got bigger now and can climb anywhere. She still isn't so friendly though she'll on come to you if you've got food.

The cold weather has reminded me that its going to be xmas soon. Thats scary. Its such a shame I don't even like xmas that much any more. It always seems a let down. Plus we are going to be quite short of cash so no big presents for me or S this year. Plus its our money we're spending on ourselves (cos we have the joint account) so it seems a bit wasteful and stupid anyway ;-( Still we are apparantly getting 2 whole weeks off work! Cos everyone is stressed and needs a break so that will be brilliant. I love not having to work at xmas.

Am pretty much fed up with everything else again. I feel so mean, S hardly ever sees me in a good mood or being happy. It must be horrible for him being stuck with such a grump who complains all the time. Its hard trying not to be so selfish though. I just think about how I feel all the time and how bored and annoyed I am. I don't think about how this affects him. God I can be so insensitive sometimes. Why can't I be a nicer person and think about others more? I am trying to be better and happier but I don't know what I need in my life to make it permanently better-I definitely need something. I wish I knew what it was.

S isn't doing that course at college now cos its too easy and he's doing wood stuff at work now anyway. He wants to do plastering but we can't find a course at the moment. He's going to use the money we'd saved for that for a new stereo plus we HAVE to sell his old decks and then we'll have some money from them but they're proving hard to advertise. I was also thinking I could sell my old uni books to maybe get some cash but I don't know how I'd advertise them either? I'm not really any good at ebay or whatever it'd be better to put signs up around uni? I'm sure I could get some cash for some of them I'll have to have a think.

Still feeling fat and horrible. My stomach is a bit flatter but so is my chest. I look terrible I have no figure what so ever. My legs are huge at the top and then my stomach sticks out and then there isn't anything up top. I feel so out of proportion and stupid. Why can't I just have normal curves like other people? I don't even now how thin I want to be anymore-I mean I want my stomach to be flat and not chubby like it is now but I'm never going to be skinny and the thinner my middle and chest gets, the more stupid my fat legs look. I feel like a freak. The only way I could be thin like E is if I didn't eat for months but I just can't do that and even she is thin but she'd got a chest its prob as big as mine now and I've got fat everywhere else. I feel so odd looking and stupid.

Its weird I never liked how I looked when I was in school and then the last 2 years I thought I was great and I wore all those short skirts and went out with confidence and in the last year I've gone back to hating myself again. I don't know what its down to. Partly the depression and the stress maybe? Partly what the family have said? Partly just looking in the mirror I suppose. I just never used to doubt myself or even think that I didn't look great and then something changed and now I do all the time. The way I really want to look will never be achieved by diet or exercise so I guess I will not like myself forever. I just want to get back to how I used to feel about me ;-(

Not much else to say is there really. Think happy thoughts I suppose. Jxx

Been a while!

Well I haven't posted for a few days so here's the update:

Weekend was ok. Fri we did nothing as planned but I have to say we were climbing the walls with bordem! There was nothing on tv at all and we just couldn't think of anything to do. We both ended up quite depressed and went to bed early and cuddled cos we were abit upset with life and everything else. We didn't even feel tired which is so typical as we are normally knackered by Friday night. S drank his lambrini (only a few glasses) and gave himself a headache but that was it really i didn't have a drink or anything! How good was I?!

Sat we got up early and went into town. Got all the errands done (went to banks etc) well early so we took the old cupboard up to S's mum and dads to get rid of it. Then we had a look at halfords and comet etc we ended up waiting an hour at currys for J who was stuck in traffic, but when she got there she ended up buying us a new washing machine. Which was good but bad cos it wasn't cheap and I feel really mean as if we'd just left things along then we wouldn't have needed one yet. So now we have a new washing machine...but we still need a new fridge/freezer and other stuff. Oh and the car stereo has gone so we need a new one of those as well. So goodness knows how we're going to afford that as we are Skint (with a capital S!) Everything breaks at once doesn't it?

After that we met F&A in town for a few drinks which was nice except we had hardly any money as per usual. By the time we'd run out of money it was only about 3 pm and we didn't have anything to do! This is what happens when you get up early!! So we ended up going to bargain booze and getting something to drink then going home and watching TV trying to decide what to do that evening. We ended up arguing as I'd had a few drinks and was argumentative as usual so we had a row and both were upset again. Anyway L text asking if him and his friend could stay and as we had nothing else on we said fine. So they stayed and that was quite nice-better than doing nothing. L drank abit much vodka though and was sick-aw bless.

Sun we got up late (tired) and the house needed tidying, washing needed doing as it had built up from not having the washer all week. We washed the car and got an air freshener for it (it actually smells nice now!) then we went up to Glasson Dock for some lunch/tea at the Vic which was very nice (if a bit pricey) by that time we were tired again so we went home and got in bed early and watched TV which was nice. I ended up sleeping cos I was so tired for some reason!

Mon was actually really busy at work! Its chaos at the moment because we are FULLY booked. No time till next week! Shock horror! So everyone is stressed and people keep having problems etc. Last night we painted a coat on the kitchen walls. paint is rubbish though-I suppose thats what we get for buying cheap paint! So it willl need atleast another coat or 2 which is a pain. Apart from that its coming on slowly so might even be done this weekend which would be terrific. Cold is nearly better-the beachams did the job ;-) Am really hungry though and for some reason I've been craving burgers all week. I really really want a big fat burger with cheese and bacon and pineapple and salad and dressing on it (but no bun) MMMMMMMMMMMM. But I can't have one sob sob. And so the diet continues-tomarto and lentil soup for lunch. Yum yum. Not.

Thats about it for the moment. I hope this week goes fast cos I can't be bothered! CSI to watch tonight ;-) Thats the one good thing about Tuesdays. But more painting though ;-( Never mind the sooner we get on with it the better. One day I will have a perfect(ish) house! Jxx

48 hours off from the world (man) !

Well another Friday, another quote from Human Traffic! I'm glad this weeks over have definitely been feeling rough. Still sniffing which is annoying but hopefully it will not develop into a full cold. Been taking the beechams powders to try and ward it off further.

Not much new to report really. S has got the worktop up in the kitchen it looks good but there are so many other fiddley bits to do I'm not even looking at it or thinking about it until the whole thing is finished (which could be a while) Also the new washing machine has broken! We apparantly need a new motor. I think the repair shop is trying to rip us off cos it was working ok before (just a little noisy) so we now have no washing machine which I am really annoyed about ;-( as we have so much washing and I'm not going all weekend without doing any. Plus the one we had was still working and now its sat in the yard getting wet, rusty and dirty and we could have been using it. I'm so sick of everything breaking! I'm not humping all my washing up to Glasson Dock to be done and then going back to get it when I had a perfectly ok(ish) machine in the first place!

Still just chilling tonight. Will be nice to have an evening to relax even though I am feeling better now. I can't believe how crap I felt Mon-Weds it was horrible! Glad I didn't have any time off though as we really can't afford it at the mo ;-( I think there should be an extra weekend day to recover on or else you should have Fridays off so you can relax and get ready for the weekend instead of being knackered! I used to love having Fridays off-back in the day when I didn't even do that much in the first place! You don't realise how easy it is being in school etc compared to working for a living! At least you get more money now though I suppose. Even though we always seem to be skint. Got some for Sat but not quite sure what we'll be frittering it on this week.

God I'm starving. I'm eating the worlds biggest apple and I've got soup for lunch again. "Mmmmm soup, soup, a tasty soup soup...carrot and corriander, chilli chowder....etc" actually its spicy parsnip but you get the drift. Healthy eating is so boring! I only want to be thin! Why does it have to be such a struggle? Plus I thought healthy eating was suposed to make you have more energy, better skin etc etc? Well it hasn't! I'm as tired and grumpy and spot covered as ever. Its all a big lie! I supose if I drank less and did exercise and stuff I might be a bit better but I'm healthier than I ever was and I don't feel particularly better for it! Moan, moan, moan I know but atleast I'm only dong it to myself! Jxx

Sniffly

Feeling abit better by now thank goodness. I was really rough Mon, Tues and Weds I couldn't do anything, I was just getting in from work and going to sleep. I must have been ill as I wasn't hungry and could hardly eat anything! Am feeling more like myself today though just got an annoying sniffy cold. Managed to brave Asda last night and got some food but seemed to spend a fortune and didn't get as much as last week. I did get a new brown zip up jumper which I needed and was great value, and a black gypsy skirt which is nice but I didn't need and was expensive-oops.

Not got much money this month for some reason so we won't be doing alot this weekend but I think I need to have an easy one anyway. Last weekend tired me out and made me feel worse even though we didn't do much actual good stuff ie) we just slept and sat about drinking, taking drugs and arguing. Its stupid we spent a fortune on pills and beer etc and we didn't even have a particularly good time! So, we are doing nothing tomorrow night-my choice! Going to watch tv and get into bed nice and early then we can get up on sat and not feel crap and not waste the whole day. We might try and do something on sat night but if we don't have anything to do then that is ok and I am not getting wrecked for nothing! I know I have changed my tune!

But I realised last weekend that its costing us loads and then all we do is sit in the house and get wrecked. Whats the point? Its not like its a party or a special social occasion, we just end up at D&P's watching films or not doing much. Sometimes it is good and a laugh but not always especially when there are other people there and I somehow seem to end up annoying someone (if not everyone.) And I don't want to do that. Plus it must be abit annoying for them us just turning up every week and taking over their house. We would be better off just saving up our money and doing something good once a month plus we'd feel more healthy not doing drugs etc every weekend. So thats what I'm going to try and do! Remind me of this when I'm fed up and want to do something! I need to remember how crap I felt this week which wasn't all down to (but was certainly made worse) by the weekends antics.

We are really wasting our money and we need to stop. I would like to go out to nice places but after going to Lancaster the other week and it was SO dire I don't see what else we can do. I suppose we should just save up and go somewhere good. I don't even feel like going to the sidewalk really I don't know why. I supose it can just be abit rough and I don't always feel comfortable with what I want to wear etc and all the people that go can be very cliquey. But then we could only go to Preston (generally) or if we went to wigan or something which would be good but its so far. We'll just have to have I think I guess. I would like to go out with a group of friends and have drinks in different bars and then go to a club that plays decent music! You wouldn't think that that would be so hard would you?! Jxx

Feeling ill

Feel rough today. My teeth hurt, I've burnt the roof of my mouth, I've got a headache, a stomach ache and I feel sick. I just want to go home and go back to bed. I feel like I'm coming down with something. My head is all fuzzy.

Had an okay weekend. Went to D&P's on fri. It was ok played a few games, had a laugh and then went home and watched Oceans 12 which was rubbish. Got up on sat and got a new(ish) washing machine from S's mum. Also D&P came round to take the rubbish away and to help get the washing machine in. Then the family came at half two so we sat around and talked and they admired the house. We went to the Lancastrian for tea but it had sold out of virtually all the food so we ended up going to the shrimp which was nice. It was really good to see them and brightened up my weekend (was definitely the best part of it) They even said I looked thinner, although I think they were probably just being nice as I don't think I look noticably different. Am definitely going to be stricter form now on. I can't waver on this. Have been ok fri and over the weekend. Also not eaten much today as I feel sick (I supose that is the one good thing about feeling rubbish.)

Went to D&P's after the meal for a bonfire which was ok. Watched a film and then I went to bed as I seemed to be in a funny mood as I was annoying everyone and they were annoying me. S was drunk and can't remember what he was saying. We had to sleep in the single bed and there wasn't much room. S was being funny and silly cos he was drunk but as soon as he woke up and was sobre in the moring he was so cute and sweet. Its weird we don't seem to get on very well when we've been drinking but the next day it was perfect and really nice.

On sun we didn't do much but we went out to tea to Verdes. The meal was nice but I don't know if eating the pasta has upset my stomach even though I didn't eat it all. We then watched tv and went to bed. Didn't sleep well I don't think, I was having weird dreams and my stomach was hurting. Am so tired today and run down. We were meant to be going to asda tonight but we are too tired so we'll have to go tomorrow instead even though we have no food left. I just want to go to bed when we get in but we have to clean Minky out and stuff. His fur is going a bit patchy again I am worried about him. I hope he doesn't need to go back to the vets ;-(

Also we are completely skint. Somehow I have miss calculated the money and we have over spent our spending money. I don't know how its happened becuase we've always written it all done but its better to get it right than to be short. So we are going to be short this month. Mind you I don't feel like doing much this weekend. I'd like to do something nice and worthwhile instead of staying in bed and being up all night. I think we need to only drink on a Sat night instead of doing drugs as well. Its abit of a waste of money and we aren't even really enjoying doing them any way its just cos we are bored. S can certainly take it or leave it any way and I'm pretty fed up of it at the moment. Its not making me feel any better or making my weekend any more fun so.... Jxx

Nice 1 Bruver - I said nice 1 Bruver!

Well its the weekend almost. Thank goodness for that! Am in an ok mood really. This weeks been ok loads of problems at work. Nothing major just awkward customers, things going wrong, more bills etc etc. S is in the woodshop thurs and fri from now on so he's happy and busy which is good. I am ok, got stuff to do which is always good so hopefully the afternoon will go quickly. Weathers miserable though-just want to be at home with a brew and a mince pie! Not that I can have them ;-(

Went aeroballing last night with F&A was a really good laugh even though at first I was feeling tired and couldn't be bothered. You bounce around in this trampoline enclosure whilst trying to get a ball through goals above the other 3 peoples heads! I was rubbish at it! Everyone else was quite good. We've said we will go again as its funny and good exercise. We were all sweating when we came off! "Victoria Beckham trampolines to keep fit don't you know!" (quote F!!)

The house is nearly there! Big excitement! The laminate is down in the kitchen, just got the beading to do and some small bits. It looks good except it needs sweeping constantly. We are going to paint the walls as well at some point. Light blue I am thinking just to brighten it up. The family are coming on Sat which will be nice so we want to make sure it is looking perfect for then. We have also got some work top over the cooker which is useful and we are getting a new cupboard as well. It will all look great when it is finished.

Not sure what we are doing this weekend apart from family coming on sat which I am looking forward to as they haven't been here for ages. Think they are taking us out for tea too ;-) Might go to D&P's tonight but will see. Hopefully going to have a nice weekend (fingers crossed)

Only bad thing really this week has been that I am sooo hungry and not any thinner. Feel annoyed with the diet at the moment as I am practically starving myself (as much as I can) and I'm still not thinner ;-( I feel like all of my clothes look stupid and nothing looks nice any more. I was trying on some of my going out clothes last night and I look fat or silly in all of them. I don't feel confident about how I look any more at all. I look like some fat girl trying to wear fashionable clothes. It makes me not want to wear them because I wonder what people are thinking about me ;-( I know its not like we go out any way but I don't feel that anything in my wardrobe is nice any more or looks right on me ;-( I look completely out of proprtion I've got fat legs and waist and a tiny chest I look so stupid. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I only want to look nice...

BREAKING (GOOD) NEWS!! I've just got a pay rise wahoo! £15,500 a year oh yes oh yes oh yes ;-) Am happy bunny now! Well apart from the fat. Jxx

Mucho Newsio!

Well......went for the interview yesterday. There were three other people with me. Two already worked there and one seemed to know them even though she didn't work there, and little old me. We had an intro chat for half an hour to give us a better idea about the job and I was thinking-this sounds hard work and quite stressful for the money they are offering. Then I had to wait 45 minutes sat on a coridoor for my interview as I was second. I nearly left then because I thought I don't really want this job and I'm nervous! But I didn't and I had my interview in front of the panel of three people. It was ok. I thought I did ok except for some technical questions about the job because I couldn't know the answers as I had never worked in that field before! But they were quite nice and it was good practice for me. After I got out of there I was quite sure that I didn't want to change jobs, well not at the moment and not to that one anyway! Because it was more stress, only slightly more money and a load of hassle. One good thing though its made me really appreciate being here and how much I don't mind it! So I was praying they wouldn't offer it to me because I knew for sure I didn't want it and....they didn't! But the lady was very nice and said they'd been impressed with me and the only reason I didn't get it was lack of experience in that field but if I applied again for another job they'd short list me again as they thought I would be good working there. So I got some really good coments so I know I'm not too useless at interviews and alls well that ends well!! Now I'm going to just take it easy and enjoy being here and enjoy work, save up abit of money and NOT stress!! I am glad I applied though because its made me realise a few things and how relaxed I am here. Even when I'm bored I can't really complain because I would much rather be bored than stressed!

Other news: kitchen floor concrete is down so on with the laminate! Should finally get finished this week. Wahey!! The sidewalk hasn't been shut down-it just was last week for some reason. So we can go there again which is good. Not much else to report really. Am feeling better today definitely I had been really dreading yesterday and I'm just glad its all over and it worked out for the best. My skin is still AWFUL though really not happy with it at the moment ;-( also I felt thin on Monday but now I feel fat again. I need to be much stricter I've been doing really well in resisting stuff (on the whole) and I'm certainly not going to stop the diet but I must stop myself slipping and snacking. I want to eat less but I still feel hungry which makes it difficult plus its hard to look forward to soup every day ;-( I've got to be tougher I know other wise I'll never change how I look but it just feels like a constant battle at the moment. Everyone else seems to loose weight much more quickly and easily. I've cut out loads and I've got a bit thinner I think but nothing drastic like I hoped for. I know I need to do exercise and that would help things but I just can't find anything I like or anyone to do it with. I guess I will keep ploding on. Might try only eating soup for tea from now on to see if that makes a difference. Next time I see the family I want them to think I look better and not just think I don't look any different and that I haven't really been trying. I really want them to think I look good and not be critical of me. Going to J&B's tonight though and having beef curry so will have to just try to eat only a little. God I'm starving already though! Its a hard life. Jxx